Listmania: How to Survive Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

When I was pregnant with my second child, I spent a lot of time trying to wrap my head around the logistics of parenting two children at two very different stages of life. It's amazing how much a couple years between kids can mean a world of variation in needs, schedules, meals, preferences, abilities...the list goes on and on. I searched the internet trying to find advice from moms who had been there, but found there really was a shortage of practical information that I could put to use. I am starting this post 7 months into my life with two kids, and though I'm sure it is different for everyone, I think I have a perspective that can hopefully help others out there who are wondering how the heck they will get through this part of parenting. Maybe this will help...

Surviving Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

1. If you still have time before your second child arrives, do some preparation. I'm not talking about setting up the crib - I'm talking about sanity preparation. Start talking to your toddler about the new baby, and include terms like, "patience" and "fragile". 
2. Get your hands on as many big sibling books that you can find - we found "I'm a Big Sister" (brother version also available), as well as "Waiting For Baby" and "You and Me". These all show what life with a new baby will be like and should help immensely once the baby comes home.
3. Start stockpiling quiet toys that can be kept in special bins throughout your house. These can be used by your toddler during baby naptimes, nursing sessions, or when Mom just needs 15 minutes of silence (or almost silence anyway). Include items like books to read, crayons and coloring books, or quiet books (here's my version). To make the boxes even more exciting, only let your toddler use them when you need the quiet time.
4. Keep emergency items all over the place. I have a gallon-size ziploc in my car, my husband's car, and in my way-too-big-to-be-trendy purse. In these bags I have a will-not-be-missed change of clothes for each kid, a diaper for each kid, wipes, a disposable changing pad and a disposable diaper trash bag. At this point I do still use a diaper bag, but it stays in the car and I just pull things from it when I need too.
5. I always keep the following in my purse: A toddler-applicable snack. Stickers and crayons. An old (hopefully charged) smartphone loaded with whatever is the latest and greatest area of interest. I promise you will get caught somewhere, or need to buy some extra toddler happiness when the baby needs attention while you are running errands. A box of raisins always makes my older daughter happy when I need an extra 20 minutes to get everyone through a doctor appointment.
6. Solicit your toddler for help with the baby. This has been huge for us, and Bugga loves to feel important. Even at 2.5 she is able to bring me things like a baby blanket, a clean outfit for the baby, etc. if I just ask her. 
7. Grocery shopping with one kid was a breeze compared to two. In case you didn't learn this the first time around, your baby's car seat DOES NOT go on top of the shopping cart. Ever. And unless you are at Costco, the car seat will likely not fit inside the cart either, especially if you plan on actually shopping for anything, and definitely if your toddler is sitting in the kid seat. This is where the sling/baby carrier serves its purpose. Oh, and don't forget to park right next to the cart return.
8. Speaking of the baby carrier...that thing will come in handy a lot. I wore it all over the house. So did my husband, as for awhile that was the only place Bella would nap. (We do not miss those days AT. ALL.) I also wore it a lot outside of the house - besides shopping, it allowed me to still keep Bugga enrolled in her gymnastics class. She isn't quite old enough for a non-parented class, but I can't have the baby in the infant seat while Bugga is in class. But the sling was no big deal. And Bugga really needs that gymnastics class for a myriad of reasons, so I am so glad I did not have to suspend that from our schedule.
9. If your toddler doesn't use a sound machine, I would consider it at this point. My kids both have sound machines which are priceless tools when both at home and traveling. And now that you will have a new baby potentially screaming at all hours, a sound machine can muffle that sound so at least SOMEONE in your house can get some sleep.
10. Know that this chaotic mess of a life will not last forever. There will be tears of happiness and frustration several times over as you learn to adjust to everything. That first year of your child's life is HARD on a mom. And add a second (or third, or fourth) kid to it, and everything escalates. But your family will evolve into something that works for everyone.

*Note: For some reason I wrote this post and never published it, and I just found it now that my second child is 14 months old. I am happy to say we survived the first year (as you will) and things are definitely easier nowadays that we all know each other much better and have adjusted to life outside the womb. Hang in there!

Tired of Shady Practices by Big Corporations

I'm sure our parents all think we have it so easy as parents in our current world, where we have all this technology and information to help us raise our children. Yes, the gadgets are a nice plus for sure, but let me tell you what is NOT easier. Buying ANYTHING.

I just got back from the grocery store. From Kroger, which I used to like as a company in general, but I specifically now do not trust the way the one near me is run. Why? This particular trip I found two unrelated items in different but high-traffic areas of the store that had expired a month ago. And both had clearly been handled by staff due to placement of the item and recent "sale" pricing tags. So basically I do not have the tolerance nor the time to shop at this store anymore because they cannot be trusted to put NON-EXPIRED items on their shelves. And I don't have time to waste if I have to double-check their work.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Have you noticed that just about EVERYTHING in the grocery store has a green label now? That used to be an easy way to zero in on organic products, but now that color means nothing. So you have to look even closer and inspect something carefully to be sure it has the USDA Organic label. Let's go back to Kroger for a minute. They have this "new" Simple Truth line. Guess what - all the packaging is green green green. Is it all organic? Nope. They throw around the term "natural" a lot though with all these products which means ZILCH unless they are referring to meat or poultry. You can go to the Simple Truth website and read all about how the FDA "broadly defines" but does not regulate the term, and then some info on their own "policy". 

All those terms in quotes above are probably giving away my suspicion about all this. Why?

Well, there's an organization called the Cornucopia Institute that publishes ratings on ALL organic companies based on particular categories (dairy, eggs, cereal, etc.) and then gives them a 1-5 (low to high) rating. Guess who gets a 1 in all the categories? Kroger's Simple Truth line. And all the other major large brands who don't feel like sharing their resources and therefore do not even participate the Cornucopia's surveys. So wait, you're called "simple truth" and you can't provide that EXACT THING to your consumers? That is SHADY. You are

See those individual milks? That cereal?
They get a 1 out of 5 rating for organic
products. That's what I want to feed my kids,
the organic products with the lowest ratings.

shady if you need to hide your business practices when it comes to the products I put in my children's bodies.

So, if you are unable to share this information with Cornucopia, then why it is you think I should believe a single word on your biased website, I'm not sure.

It is ridiculous that we as parents (or anyone for that matter) cannot trust these major organizations to be honest and truthful about the products they are trying to sell us. 

And sheesh, can you at least make sure the front items in your food displays aren't expired??

As I am trying to get on top of my resolutions for the year and create healthy meals for my entire family to eat together, I am already exhausted by how much planning and research (and drive time to a myriad of grocery stores) that goes into creating a simple, safe, clean meal.

Random Acts of Christmas Kindness 2014 - Free Printable

I realize I have been away awhile - life is crazy in my house right now with holiday season in full swing, along with the celebration of a 1st and a 3rd birthday. Basically, we are running non-stop right now!

However, I need to make time for this post so I can share with anyone who might need this.

If you've been reading my blog for awhile (anyone? Bueller?) then you might remember my thoughts about the tragic events that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December 2012. Just knowing someone who has lost a child to something so heartbreaking really struck me and since then I wanted to make an effort every year to honor Olivia Engel, and each of the other 25 lives lost that day.

My older daughter just turned 3 and she is at an age where she can really absorb the concept of kindness and how to share that with other people. Recently I shared with my Facebook and Instagram friends the Random Act of Kindness cards I put together for December. My plan is to involve my children as much as possible when we prepare and share these random acts, and spread some kindness both inside my home and around our community in honor of the Sandy Hook Angels.

Meanwhile, several people have requested the cards I made, so it makes sense to attach them here so anyone can have access to them.

Please print these out, and start sharing the kindness - it can be anything from paying for someone's coffee at Starbucks to cooking someone dinner - be creative!

I hope to post pictures soon of our experiences with this effort, and I'd love to hear how others have used the cards!

Download Random Act of Kindness Cards .pdf here!

Sometimes We Don't Relate I Guess

I remember when Bugga was about 7 months old and I was struggling with her sleep regression, waking up with her every night at random times, for 100 different reasons - she was practicing standing, her pacifier fell out of the crib, she had a stuffed up nose...anything. It always seemed to be something. I remember sharing my woes with a friend of mine whose son is about a year older. Her response, "Hmmm, oh well we never had that problem so I can't help. Sorry!" said with an inappropriately cavalier attitude. Guess how much I see this friend since this stellar understanding moment? Yeah, not much.

Was her son always an awesome sleeper? The odds are against it, but sure it's possible. Is that really the point though? The point, at least from my perspective, was to be just the teensiest bit understanding about my situation. I mean, we're both moms right? We've likely read a lot of the same books about parenting and know relatively the same general information about all there is to know about the possibility that our children might have some trouble sleeping at some point. And I was likely mentioning my strife for 30 lousy seconds of commiseration. Commiseration I didn't get.

We just finished a weekend of the initial move to potty train my 2.5 year old daughter. It was a long weekend of never leaving the house, with highs and (really gross) lows but we did make it out the other side. I am happy to say she spent the entire day at preschool today with ZERO accidents - and this is just Day 4.

Anyway, I was reminded of the situation above when I left the house for a lousy hour this past weekend to run some quick errands that included picking up more Frozen and Minnie Mouse underwear that have been helping to motivate my daughter, as well as restocking our supply of several small prizes for her successes. While at the checkout of one of the stores, I get into a conversation with the cashier regarding what I was in the midst of at home (nope, that stash of sequined $1 princess crowns are not for a party actually, but instead are poop rewards - hey you asked), making it pretty obvious that it's been exhausting. No joke, she says, "Ah yes...with my daughter she just put on her underwear one day and that was it. It was great!" Ughhhhhh, seriously?

So what is with the knee-jerk lack of empathy between moms? Is this normal? Has it happened to anyone else?

Baby Labels: What Do You Name the Kid?

I'm sure you've done it. I know I have. A lot. You meet someone, get introduced, and their name is just...weird. And obviously that is only your opinion, because apparently SOMEONE liked that name in order for this person to own it.

When you are a kid and you name your dolls or your stuffed animals or your Someday Kids, you try on a lot of names to see what you like. By the time you are an adult, you likely have an idea of what your top monikers for babies would be should you get to that point.

Then you meet your future spouse and start to procreate and now have to merge these finalists into just ONE name you agree on (or two or three or however many kids you end up having). Needless to say, it can be near impossible to land on the one word in the world that you both love enough to label your precious offspring.

With our first baby, my husband and I didn't know what gender we were having, so we prepared two lists over the months, deciding in month 9 on first the Girl Name, and then the Boy Name. Although it was harder to agree on names for boys, in hindsight it seemed like it was relatively easy to agree in general.

Baby number two was different for some reason. I don't know if it was the added pressure of having a second child (the sibling names "have to" "go together"), having a second daughter (we can't use our previous boy name list and just be done with it), or what, but I was already past my due date by the time we agreed on a name we both like.

This is literally the list of preferences I put on a name candidate:
* First name 2 syllables, middle name 3 syllables (just like our first child)
* One "girlie" name, the other "not so girlie" (just like the first kid)
* Can't end in "R" (our last name starts with "R")
* First name cannot end with the same letter that which the middle name begins
* Can't end in any variation of "-ley", "ly", "lie", etc. - basically cannot rhyme with our last name (never mind I love all names that end like this)

And this was before we even eliminated names of all of our exes, living family

Seriously? OK, maybe I'm still
scoffing at some names...

 names, and obvious seasonal names (I really wanted Noelle for a middle name for this December 21st baby but husband vetoed it).

I downloaded several name picker apps to my phone and we spent hours going through them. We poured through the cast lists on IMDB looking for something we both loved. We wore out the internet looking up all the First Female Anythings to find a name with history. 

This is where it dawned on me. All the names I had ever thought were "weird" when I first heard them? Not so much! I surprised myself by considering names I might have - and DID - scoff at all those years ago because hearing them now categorized them as "unique" and "modern" and not so bad...maybe. And then you read all the Top Unique and Modern Baby Names lists and see them on there again and then really wonder how unique they can possibly be anyway if they're on a list like that in the first place!

Then there's the realization that everyone having a baby around the same time as us was also looking for a baby name that is something people have heard of, but not well enough that the kid is one of seven in their Kindergarten class. It's a vicious cycle.

At least we decided before the baby appeared. You hear these stories of babies that were in the hospital for days before their parents figured it out. Or they took another few months even, where special paperwork has to be filed! Yikes!

We are probably done having kids, but I'm sure we'll have some pets to name in the future...and one of them might be the perfect candidate for "Coco", "Apple" or "Rocket".

Toddler Learning: The Alphabet

Bugga is currently just shy of 2.5 years old (that's 30 months, for those of you who do the months thing) and right now she is a sponge for just about any information we give her. At this point she "reads" all her books to us because she has them memorized, so it has been obvious to us for awhile that we need to help her get to the point where she can truly read. So we started with the alphabet.

We have given her exposure to the alphabet in many ways:

1. Alphabet decals on Bugga's bedroom wall over her changing table that is the object of discussion any time she lies underneath them.
2. Fabric alphabet magnets that she plays with almost every day.
3. Her own personalized Alphabet Book.
4. We have sung the Alphabet song three times while we brush her teeth since we started brushing teeth (I brush for two rounds, she brushes herself for the last round).
5. This great book called AlphaBlock
6. Alphabet puzzles - we have a great one from Melissa & Doug which I think is an earlier version of this.

At this point, she is building Lego "microphones", setting up her stuffed animals as an "audience" and singing her "A B Cs" to the crowd. I guess it's working. 

It's Not About Gwyneth

This is a repost from something I shared with my friends on Facebook. Hopefully my blog readers also know what I'm trying to say.

So this Gwyneth Paltrow working mom thing is all over Facebook. Yes, she said her job is harder than other working moms. And then a gajillion people responded that, no, their jobs are harder than that of a celebrity. 

On other days I see people post links to blogs about someone trying to attempt to equalize the struggles of working moms versus stay-at-home moms, and it just results in a Battle of the Miserable (seriously, read the comments on any of these posts). 

Am I the only person who is tired of hearing everyone try to tear each other down by one-upping others about how hard their life is? 

Of course the grass is often much greener on the other side, but everyone has their struggles, whether it be 9 months on a movie set away from your family, or working 2 daily jobs away from your kids to make ends meet, or struggling to find professional success. 

Yes, celebrities have a lot of money and freedoms that regular people might not have, but they are also people too, with families they can't be with all the time and marriages that fail no matter how many nannies they hire. Stay at home moms and working moms all have their own reasons to be jealous of each other's lives. 

I guess the bottom line I get from all this is stop spending so much time tearing down the Joneses and find your own happiness.

Family Christmas Traditions

My husband and I have been thinking a lot about what sort of family traditions and lessons we want to pass down to our daughters. We also want to teach our children about religion, but leave room for them to discover it themselves and follow it where they allow it to lead them. Since Bugga is just freshly 2 years old, it's hard to really give her too much information that she can truly comprehend, but she is definitely at the age of understanding some things.

What we want for sure is that our daughters recognize the lessons and morals that can be learned as we expose them to more and more information.

We know that it is very easy for kids to think of Christmas as a "gimme gimme!" sort of holiday, and that makes me cringe. So I proposed that we find away to put the fun into giving (since my 2-year-old can't quite shop on her own yet, let alone create too many homemade gifts that allow her to grasp the concept of giving). I thought she'd enjoy handing out the presents under the tree on Christmas morning, but since she can't read yet, I created these visual labels as a toddler-friendly gift tag. She loved "playing elf" and finding gifts for everyone and passing them out all by herself.

I also found a toddler-friendly board book about the Christmas Nativity story, which she really enjoyed. I plan to add this to our 12 Days of Christmas Books tradition that we also started this year.

What tools are you using to teach your toddler about holidays, religions, or traditions?

Toddler-Friendly Gift Tags

Now that Bugga just turned 2, it was perfect timing to teach her that Christmas is even more about the giving than the receiving. She definitely sees the fun in unwrapping a present and finding a fun surprise inside, but this year we wanted to focus on the GIVING.

I thought it would be great, and very easy, to have Bugga play our Christmas Morning Elf and hand out everyone's presents. However, she obviously can't read yet, so we needed a way to help her identify the presents. 

I created these Toddler-Friendly Gift Tags that are more visual, so that it is easy for a 2-year-old to identify who to deliver the gift too. It worked really well and she clearly enjoyed being a part of the giving.

I wasn't very timely with this post (birthing a Christmas baby and all) so I know this isn't something you are probably thinking about in January. However, if you like this idea, bookmark it for next year!

Here are the examples:

Project: No-Sew Toddler Quiet Book

We have a bad habit of not getting around to taking a family vacation until it's really cold just about everywhere. And I like a WARM weather vacation. Which means we have to travel pretty far to find warm temperatures. We have gotten in the "habit" (I love this habit) of going to Hawaii for the past three years, starting with my Babymoon for Bugga. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Hawaii, every part of it. But getting there via long airplane flights, while crossing over several time zones with my toddler, can be worse than a root canal.

This time I was determined to stress about the flight as little as possible. I typically travel with a certain collection of things to entertain my daughter during the flight, hope that we don't run out of ideas - and this time was no different. I did some searching and came across the idea of making a Quiet Book. I was not in the mood to lug out the sewing machine right before my trip, so I looked for some no-sew ideas that could be made faster. I took a couple ideas from various blogs, and then made them my own. I was also then inspired to create some other various pages that I thought my daughter would enjoy.

Below are the general directions for how to create your No-Sew Toddler Quiet Book, with links to separate posts about each of the pages I created so you can see them in detail if you want.

This ended up being a fun treat for Bugga on the plane, and it bought us about 30 minutes of entertainment. Now that we are back from our trip, I plan on keeping this book in the nursery to only be brought out when I am home alone with Bugga and my newborn (3 weeks to go!) and I need some toddler quiet time.

No-Sew Toddler Quiet Book

Materials Needed:

• 5 1/2" by 8 1/2" Mini Binder
• Various craft paper in a variety of colors and patterns
• Laminating machine and laminating sheets
• glue dots
• paper trimmer
• scissors
• Velcro dots
• hole punch
• computer/printer/printer paper as needed

Instructions:

1. Pick a page to start with. The nice thing about the 3-ring Mini Binder is that you can always add and remove pages, so you can tailor your books to different children, focus on seasons for holiday-related pages, etc.
2. Determine if you need one or two pages for each page's theme.
3. Cut one or two background pages depending on Step 2 using the paper trimmer. Trim them to 5 1/2" by 8 1/2" using the craft paper. Cut out colored shapes, letters, decorations, people, etc. - whatever is relevant to your theme. If you do not have the right color paper, or want a specific design, a quick internet search for free images can provide you with great icons that you can then print and cut out for your pages. You can also use a basic drawing software program to create your own.
4. Separate pieces between those that are part of the scene/background, and those that will be the interactive components.
5. For the pieces that are part of the scene/background, put together the scene using the glue dots. Once finished, laminate the pages(s).
6. For the pieces that will be interactive (separate from the background) laminate them and then cut out each piece with scissors, careful to leave a slight amount of clear laminate around the edges of each piece.
7. Attach Velcro dots to the back of each interactive piece. Place matching Velcro dots on the background scene where applicable. You might need more scene Velcro dots than you have interactive pieces based on your design. Be careful to use the same type of Velcro across the scene so all the interactive pieces can be used all over the page.
8. Align the page with the three rings in the binder to mark where the holes should be. Use a hole puncher to add 3 holes to the top/bottom of the pages as applicable. Place the page into the binder.
9. Create the rest of your pages. Don't forget a cover page that can slip into the binder plastic (no laminating necessary).
10. Extra step: I added Velcro to the back outside corners of each page when in the binder to attach the back of each page to the back of the next. This keeps my kiddo from landing on a bunch of backside pages that have no activities. The Velcro allows you to constantly change around the order of the pages, no problem!

Looking for some ideas on what to do for each page? Here are mine:

My Name Is 

Stop, Slow, Go

Match Colors

Let's Get Dressed

Match Big & Small

Grocery Shopping

Happy Halloween!

Match Shapes

Counting Train

Merry Christmas!

Apple Picking

Make a Face

Drive to School

Go Team!

Second Kid Stress

So here I am, trucking along into my 25th week of pregnancy with Baby #2. That puts us into viability range, which of course, is a nice relief of a milestone. In only a few short weeks I will be pushed over into the Third Trimester. I am starting to feel the stress of having two children creeping up on me.

I'm sure all toddler and newborn moments
 look like this, right? RIGHT?!?!

I know very well I won't be the first to do it, but I am spending more and more time lately trying to wrap my preggo-brain around the logistics of the first few days/weeks/months of my newborn's life while intermingled with my toddler's day-to-day needs. Looking back on my experiences with my first born, I think about how easy it was from my perspective now (go back and read some old posts and see how much I am rewriting history here) and if I was going to be a first-time mom again (which is impossible), I'd be SO. READY.

But that's not really the case here. As much as I know all to well how it works to have a baby, I know NOTHING about what it is like to have a baby AND A TODDLER. And my freakouts are getting a little bigger by the day.

Of course, we must plan for the hospital stay, and my toddler will not likely enjoy or understand that experience and is best left at home until the baby has arrived. This requires planning, especially since we have no family nearby, are new to our new country and therefore have a limited social network, and well, Bugga has never been away from both her parents at once for longer than an hour in her life. And though I "lucked out" last time by only being in labor during daylight hours, there's always that chance that I will need to call SOMEONE to high tail it over to the house at 2AM to watch my daughter as we go speeding off to Labor & Delivery.

Once we get home, then at least we will have a couple weeks of man-on-man coverage with both kids since my husband will be home (thanking my uterus for birthing babies during end-of-the-year holidays once again). But once I am left to my own parenting when he goes back to the office, I am trying to wrap my brain around how I will juggle two severely different nap schedules, nursing, and toddler entertainment and activities that will likely require getting out of the house. Did I mention I'll be doing this in the wintertime? In Canada? Yeah, think snow - lots and lots of snow. I'm not even going to entertain my husband's jokes about nursing outside.

What tiny advice I have obtained here and there is that baby #2 (and any baby after that, should we be crazy enough to go for more...uh....forget I typed that) will be required to be much more flexible then we ever gave baby #1 credit for. Gone will be the eerily quiet household when the baby is sleeping. Gone will be the peaceful nursing sessions in the dark in the glider. And a myriad of other things too, I'm sure.

I'm trying to collect more information on how to plan for the changes, but I'm still coming up short for my own comfort. I found an e-book (The ABC's of Baby #2) last night and devoured it at the gym today - helpful but brief. If anyone out there in internet land has any tips, or resources, I am ready!!!

Splash Pad Throw Down!

OK, well, my first born made it to 17 months until her mommy got into a verbal fight with another mom. Should I be proud of that? I've thought through this confrontation over and over, and I'm confident that in hindsight I still handled it the way I believe I should have.

So here we are, kicking off a fantastic family vacation in Florida with a stop at Busch Gardens in Tampa. We pretty much stuck to the kiddo area with our toddler, which meant splash pad fun! Woohoo! Bugga loves these things, having just discovered them at home - she doesn't have to stress over blowing bubbles or not touching the bottom when she wants to.

Bugga and I were walking around the large splash pad area looking at all the fun water obstacles, as I noticed the posted rules included "Yield to small children." Perfect - that is us indeed!

There is an area that essentially has water "guns" that can be aimed at each other in 90 degree circles and directed to a variety of heights. As we walked past this with another mom and her stroller, a 5-year-old boy turned and aimed right at me and my 1 year old. He drenched me (and I was wearing street clothes) and hosed my daughter down in the face. His expression stated that he clearly knew what he was doing. The mom with the stroller was apparently his mother, said something to him along the lines of, "Play niiiiiiiiice" and then kept on walking, turning her back on her misbehaving son. He then turned right around, aimed at my daughter's face again, and sprayed her with the water while squealing, "Got you!!!!"

Oh it was on.

I gave the mother a stern, "Ma'am!" call, and she froze, as she clearly knew this had to do with her child. She turned around with attitude on her face and a "Yeah?" where I promptly told her that her son was out of hand and needed a parent to help him out. She immediately got all defensive and said, "Well you ARE at a water park, you should expect to get wet!"

Me: "What I don't expect is for my daughter to be attacked by such a mean kid that is 5 times her size."
Her: "Well you don't know what it's like to have a 5 year old boy and another child. We are working with him."
Me: "What I do know is that it is my job to protect my own child, and that I am responsible for what happens to her. As you should be for your children."
Her: "You don't know what it's like! He is a five year old boy!"
Me: "Then you need to not turn your back on him. Otherwise you need some help!"
I walked away with my daughter, as clearly this mom was missing the point.

Look, I get that kids have to learn things. And I also don't believe anyone at 5 years old can be that evil. But seriously, turning your back on your child's bad behavior? All I heard from this mom's reasoning was, "I can't handle being a parent." Honestly - if you can't be somewhere and be responsible for BOTH of your children, you either should not have left the house, or you need to bring another adult with you to help. There is no excuse for not being aware of (or worse, IGNORING) what your children are doing, especially when out in public.

About 5 minutes later the little boy came up to us and apologized for spraying us in the face with the water. I guess Mom thought I was right after all. I thanked him, left my daughter with my husband, and went to smooth things over.

I walked back up to the mom, told her I appreciated her sending her son over, and I was sorry I raised my voice. She then got back on her defensive soapbox and starting moaning about how "I don't know what it's like" and then I knew I shouldn't have bothered. Poor little boy - it's going to be a rough ride with that woman.

So - would you have handled it any differently? I would love to hear it!

Mom Competition

We've all apparently felt it. And heard the comments. And probably made the comments. Moms bash other moms ALL. THE. TIME. Why? I'm guessing it's because it makes us feel like we are doing that much less of a crappy job as a parent if you can point out at least ONE person who is doing worse than you. The problem is, this behavior/thought process/arrogance does no one any good, especially your children.

We are surrounded by judgmental looks on the playground, reality TV shows like "Dance Moms" where the parents spend their lives cutting each other down, and our own insecurities - it's amazing our kids can get themselves to school in the morning.

If you've ever read a thread on a parenting message board where a proud parent is asking if their 1 year old is "advanced" because of A, B, C, that parent will be shot down so fast it is like they were lurking in the background and waiting for this type of post. I have rarely ever seen supportive comments come out of that discussion, and I feel like it is all driven by competitiveness and jealousy.

It has to stop! Why not just say, "Hey, that's great that your kid can do that! You must be spending a lot of time working on X skill with your child." What is the harm in that? As parents, we rarely get reassurance we are doing things right, and a comment like that might just keep that household going one more day that week! Think of it like the basic compliment - you tell someone you like their outfit or their hair why? Because you have to? No, because you want them to feel good about it! What's wrong with someone feeling good about their parenting? It in no way takes away from how you parent, just like a hair compliment doesn't make you look any less attractive.

What I fear are those parents you see on reality TV (so they must be real, right?) who will take discussions with other parents as far as yelling and screaming, with the obligatory foul language - and right in front of their kids! That is child abuse if I've ever seen it. I still can't believe the networks don't get involved, but apparently you sell your soul for ratings.

Be a better parent. Make someone else feel like a better parent. Your kids will thank you.

Parenting Support #22

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

No one told you because they were all too tired to remember. Just remember, insane urges are totally normal, as long as you don't act on them! (I have wanted to bodily throw the cats down the stairs when they start crying JUST when I've got the baby down to sleep. But I don't. But it's a nice visual that calms me down...) Call me whenever you need a break! I'm happy to babysit for a few hours, or c'mon over for a drink.

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What is this about?

Parenting Support #23

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

I'm right there with you, and I know from experience it gets easier. Just not for another 2.5 yrs or so... ;) Joining a mom's group or playgroup was helpful for me just to talk to other moms with same aged kids. And don't feel bad, you are doing a great job I am sure! I am planning on working out at home this summer so I can use my daily 2 hrs of Y daycare to have fun at the pool with my older son, relax, and read. Yes I feel guilty about that, but not too much!

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Your Child's Milestones

I am by no means a stickler for keeping up with the Joneses as far as what my children can or cannot do compared to the next kid. That being said - er, written - I still want to know when I can expect different abilities and personality traits to appear. This also helps me to know what I can help her to learn, since she might be developmentally ready.

As I read magazine articles and websites, or talk to other moms, I will collect what I learn in this post, so I can always have it as a reference for what fun stage will come next!

0-2 Months

• Lifts head when lying on tummy (1 month)
• Responds to sound (1 month)
• Stares at faces (1 month)
• Smiles and laughs (1 month)
• Can see black & white colors very well (1 month)
• Notices hands (2 months)
• Gurgles and coos (1-2 months)
• May roll over on their own (back to tummy) if baby is on the lower side of the scale, but will likely lose this ability until closer to 4 months. (2 months)

3-4 Months

• Visually tracks moving objects (3 months)
• Recognizes your face and voice (2-3 months)
• May be able to roll over from tummy to back (3 months)
• Turns toward sounds (3 months)
• Can bat at toys (3 months)
• Can bear weight on legs (4 months)
• May cut first tooth (4 months)
• May imitate sounds (4 months)
• Can grasp toys (4 months)

5-6 Months

• Plays with hands and feet (5 months)
• Recognizes their own name (5 months)
• Can rollover both directions (6 months)
• Can sit without support (6 months)
• Ready for solid foods (6 months)
• Turns toward sounds and voices (6 months)
• Passes an object between hands (6 months)
• May start crawling (6 months)

7-8 Months

• Starts to exhibit stranger anxiety (7 months)
• Can wave goodbye (7 months) 
• Can stand while holding onto something (7 months)
• Can pull to a stand (7 months)
• Combines syllables or jabbers (7 months)
• Understands object permanence (7 months)
• Crawls (7 months)
• Can say "mama" or "dada" but not necessarily to anyone in particular (8 months)
• Points at objects (8 months)
• Cruises around furniture (8 months)
• Enjoys peek-a-boo (8 months)

9-10 Months

• Can drink from a sippy cup (9 months)
• Eats with fingers (9 months)
• Says "mama" or "dada" to the correct parent (9 months)
• Can pick things up with pincer grasp (10 months)
• Crawls very well (10 months)
• Gestures to communicate (10 months)
• Can stand alone for several seconds (10 months)
• Puts objects into containers (10 months)

10-12 Months

• Some babies can take a few steps at this point (11 months)
• Understands "no" (11 months)
• Can squat from standing position (11 months)
• May say another word besides "mama" or "dada" (11 months)
• Imitates others (12 months)
• Can say two words besides "mama" or "dada" and uses them well ("hi" or "bye") (12 months)
• Capable of going up and down stairs by themself (12 months)
• Can walk alone (12 months)

13-18 Months

• Can bend over to pick something up (13 months)
• Can hold out their arm when you are dressing them (13 months)
• Loves looking at their reflection in the mirror (13 months)
• Can roll a ball back and forth to you (13 months)
• Starts to imitate other people (14 months)
• Can point to one body part when asked (14 months)
• Can respond to basic instructions (14 months)
• Initiates games (14 months)
• Uses 3 words on a regular basis (15 months)
• Walks backward (15 months)
• Able to scribble with a crayon (15 months)
• Tries to "help" around the house (15 months)
• Can put finger to mouth and say "shhhhh!" (15 months)
• The "no"s begin! (15 months)
• Can turn book pages (16 months)
• Temper tantrums due to frustration begin (16 months)
• Becomes attached to a soft toy/blanket (16 months)
• Starts climbing on everything (16 months)
• Can stack 3 blocks (16 months)
• Starts to use a spoon/fork (16 months)
• Has learned the right way to use objects (telephone, spoon, books) (16 months)
• Can take off one piece of clothing without help (16 months)
• Switches from 2 naps to 1 nap (16 months)
• Uses 6 words regularly (17 months)
• Has fun pretending (17 months)
• Throws a ball underhand (17 months)
• Can feed a doll (17 months)
• Likes riding on toys (17 months)
• Able to speak more clearly (17 months)
• Sorts toys by shape, color, or size (17 months)
• Able to kick a ball (17 months)
• Dances to music (17 months)
• Will sit down and "read" board books alone (18 months)
• Can scribble with a crayon (18 months)
• Can create two-word phrases (18 months)
• Can stack 4 blocks (18 months)
• Brushes teeth with assistance (18 months)
• Throws a ball overhand (18 months)
• Showing signs of toilet readiness (18 months)
• Takes apart toys and puts them back together (18 months)
• Able to understand simple instructions (though will need repetition) (18 months)
• Understanding "I am my own person" - leads to running away when in public! (18 months)

19 Months - 2 years

• Able to run well (19 months)
• Understands up to 200 words (19 months)
• Recognizes errors (when you say "up" but mean "down") (19 months)
• Washes and dries hands with help (19 months)
• Takes off own clothes (20 months)
• Learns 10 or more words per day (20 months)
• Can go up stairs standing up (20 months)
• Can stack 6 blocks (21 months)
• Can name pictures in a book (21 months)
• Follows 2-step requests like "please pick up that toy and bring it to me" (22 months)
• Can do simple puzzles (22 months)
• Can draw a straight line (22 months)
• Can name several body parts (22 months)
• Can put on loose-styled clothing (22 months)
• Might be ready to transition from a crib to a bed (22 months)
• Understands opposites (22 months)
• Uses 50-70 words (23 months)
• Can open doors (23 months)
• Can sing basic tunes (23 months)
• Has interest in playing with other kids (23 months)
• Asks "why?" (23 months)
• Talks about self (likes/dislikes, wants/needs) (23 months)
• Can name 6 body parts (24 months)
• Can speak in 2-3 word phrases (24 months)
• Can go down stairs standing up (24 months)
• Can arrange items into categories (24 months)
• Learns how to jump (24 months)
• Understands gender differences (24 months)

2-3 Years

3-4 Years

• Understand how to take turns, share, and follow directions (3-4 years)

4-5 Years

• Schools expect children to recognize uppercase letters, rhyme, and describe a basic plot; (start of kindergarten)
• Should know how to count to 20 and identify simple shapes (start of kindergarten)

5-6 Years

• Learning to tell jokes, but not quite understanding the concept of a punch line (5-6 years)
• Learning to use exaggeration ("school-age")

6-7 Years

7-8 Years

• Understanding punch lines in jokes (7-8 years)
• Start requesting privacy (7-8 years)

8-9 Years

9-10 Years

10+ Years

Parenting Support #21

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

Just wait until potty training!! Worst part of parenting to date...I could write a book on what NOT to do! ;) Hang in there!! We ALL have days and moments of utter frustration, but even if we told you, you wouldn't believe it until you live it. Part of being a mom and you are doing great! I would worry more if you didn't feel that way!

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Parenting Support #20

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

Just try to remember what her smile looks like, because I'm sure she lights up when you walk into a room, and what it feels like when she grabs ahold of your finger. It helps make the bad days not so bad. 

You are a great mom, otherwise you wouldn't be stressing out about how you feel...a bad mom wouldn't care and definitely wouldn't feel guilty about it. It's ok to take a break if you need it - you definitely deserve it and she may need a little break too (and don't feel guilty about it - it will make you a better mom, which is what you are trying to do). 

Kids are tough - especially at that age where they can't tell you what's wrong or why they are acting a certain way. But I bet her smile lights up your day too, and at the end of the day, she's going to come to you and you can take comfort in that. In the meantime, have a glass of wine after she goes to sleep, read a good magazine, and recharge. Yomorrow will be better...I promise!

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Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

Last week I posted about our issues with separation anxiety, and I am happy to report they are getting much better. Though now that I'm more confident in what it takes to get this to work, I'm scared to rock the boat (read: different daycare lady on Fridays/weekends that doesn't know our "process").

So here are some of the factors that play into my child being happy enough to leave in the gym daycare for 90 minutes:

1. Transitional item: This was the best piece of advice I received from my mom friends when I posted our daycare drama on Facebook. (We are all guilty of venting on Facebook once in awhile right? This is actually, in my opinion, one of the primary reasons to have it - a quick way to get personalized advice from those who have been there, done that, and know you. Anyway...) The transitional item suggested was a snack, which might have worked great, but since this is just a gym daycare and not a full-blown regular daycare, I wasn't really comfortable with her having food in this place (they probably felt the same way). So instead we brought in a small white bear, "Baby Bear", as her friend to keep her company.
2. Someone to play with: We go to the gym in the morning, which is the only time that works with our nap schedule and the daycare availability. Not to mention the rush hour shift (5-8pm) can have two dozen kids in there with ONE adult. No thanks. A CUTE little boy started going to the gym daycare in the morning so it seems to help if there is a little friend for Bugga to play with when she gets there.
3. A special toy: My daughter has developed an obsession for purses. No joke. Not sure if she's just mimicking Mommy or just NEEDS to have something slung over a wrist, but she takes a purse everywhere. And the gym daycare has one for her to carry around too. Oh and the daycare lady also hands her a little baby doll wrapped in a blanket which Bugga promptly tosses into a grocery cart and pushes around the room. But I digress.
4. Leaving: OK I am still waiting for all the above distractions to keep her happy long enough that I can back out of the room. I am scared to say good bye at this point, just to remind her I am leaving and start the tears. It helps to know that she is fine when I leave now (I peek), and when I come back to get her, she lights up when she sees me, and blows kisses to the daycare lady as we head out. So she is clearly having fun in there.

We've made a LOT of progress in the past week, and I am very proud of my little kiddo. It would have been so much easier to just give up and work out at home when she naps and not put her through all this, but then what kind of parent is THAT? Obviously I can't keep her at home with me forever (I wish!) and the benefit of staying home with her is I have the flexibility in my schedule that I can be patient with her need for adjustment time. I feel it is my job, and honestly my preference, to help her through this.

The gym uses one woman most of the week (Mon-Thurs) for the morning daycare, and then Friday and Saturday are two different women. And right now, this is reason enough for me to not have to workout on Fri-Sat because I'm scared to rock the boat this week! Maybe next week she'll be established enough to have a new variable in her morning plans. Kids love a routine, so I just need to stick with it.

Separation Anxiety Hits Our House

We are currently going on Day 5 (including a weekend) of my husband having to go back to Alaska for a work emergency. I suppose the weekend part is irrelevant, but even a stay at home mom looks forward to the weekend when we can finally do things as a family. Oh, and split the kiddo duties.

Things have been going relatively well with the exception of my brilliant plan to get back into the swing of things again with our daily morning visit to the gym. This worked perfect for us October/November after we first got back from Alaska, but we took off several weeks for a family vacation and some holiday travel.

Oh what a mess we have now. Today was the third day I attempted to drop my 13-month-old off at the gym daycare. She was NOT havin' it. Not one bit. The separation anxiety is apparently at the top of her development milestones right now and it is kicking us in the face. I tried everything, distraction, staying for awhile and playing with her, sneaking out, doing the "I'll be back soon!", etc. If I made it out the door somehow, I would lurk nearby where I could still see and hear, but was out of view of my daughter.

This kid would just WAIL. The poor daycare lady would try to distract her with all the new toys that filled the room, and she would take a breath for a second and look, but then start right up again. I hear about these other children that cry only when their parents are around and then they're fine. Not mine, these three days anyway.

So my workout plans for 2013 are still pretty elusive. I ended up working out at home during nap time, which is nice to have that option, but it isn't quite the same.

Anyone go through this? Any advice? My approach is to keep trying and hope she gets used to it. But in the back of my head, I'm worried she's learning that this place makes her cry. Period.