Mom Competition

We've all apparently felt it. And heard the comments. And probably made the comments. Moms bash other moms ALL. THE. TIME. Why? I'm guessing it's because it makes us feel like we are doing that much less of a crappy job as a parent if you can point out at least ONE person who is doing worse than you. The problem is, this behavior/thought process/arrogance does no one any good, especially your children.

We are surrounded by judgmental looks on the playground, reality TV shows like "Dance Moms" where the parents spend their lives cutting each other down, and our own insecurities - it's amazing our kids can get themselves to school in the morning.

If you've ever read a thread on a parenting message board where a proud parent is asking if their 1 year old is "advanced" because of A, B, C, that parent will be shot down so fast it is like they were lurking in the background and waiting for this type of post. I have rarely ever seen supportive comments come out of that discussion, and I feel like it is all driven by competitiveness and jealousy.

It has to stop! Why not just say, "Hey, that's great that your kid can do that! You must be spending a lot of time working on X skill with your child." What is the harm in that? As parents, we rarely get reassurance we are doing things right, and a comment like that might just keep that household going one more day that week! Think of it like the basic compliment - you tell someone you like their outfit or their hair why? Because you have to? No, because you want them to feel good about it! What's wrong with someone feeling good about their parenting? It in no way takes away from how you parent, just like a hair compliment doesn't make you look any less attractive.

What I fear are those parents you see on reality TV (so they must be real, right?) who will take discussions with other parents as far as yelling and screaming, with the obligatory foul language - and right in front of their kids! That is child abuse if I've ever seen it. I still can't believe the networks don't get involved, but apparently you sell your soul for ratings.

Be a better parent. Make someone else feel like a better parent. Your kids will thank you.

Separation Anxiety Hits Our House

We are currently going on Day 5 (including a weekend) of my husband having to go back to Alaska for a work emergency. I suppose the weekend part is irrelevant, but even a stay at home mom looks forward to the weekend when we can finally do things as a family. Oh, and split the kiddo duties.

Things have been going relatively well with the exception of my brilliant plan to get back into the swing of things again with our daily morning visit to the gym. This worked perfect for us October/November after we first got back from Alaska, but we took off several weeks for a family vacation and some holiday travel.

Oh what a mess we have now. Today was the third day I attempted to drop my 13-month-old off at the gym daycare. She was NOT havin' it. Not one bit. The separation anxiety is apparently at the top of her development milestones right now and it is kicking us in the face. I tried everything, distraction, staying for awhile and playing with her, sneaking out, doing the "I'll be back soon!", etc. If I made it out the door somehow, I would lurk nearby where I could still see and hear, but was out of view of my daughter.

This kid would just WAIL. The poor daycare lady would try to distract her with all the new toys that filled the room, and she would take a breath for a second and look, but then start right up again. I hear about these other children that cry only when their parents are around and then they're fine. Not mine, these three days anyway.

So my workout plans for 2013 are still pretty elusive. I ended up working out at home during nap time, which is nice to have that option, but it isn't quite the same.

Anyone go through this? Any advice? My approach is to keep trying and hope she gets used to it. But in the back of my head, I'm worried she's learning that this place makes her cry. Period.

Who Fights a Nap?

My 6 month old, that's who. I am currently listening to her WAIL as I try to get her to sleep for Nap #1 of the day. This is SO hard. But I know she's tired. She was rubbing her eyes like the most obvious cartoon character and it was exactly 2 hours from when she woke up. So into the crib she went...and then proceeded to shriek. 

It's been 45 minutes of this misery.

I've checked on her several times, but that does nothing whatsoever. She continues to shriek. I know I'm supposed to listen to her cries to understand what is going on, but it all seems pretty steady. Horrible gurgling. Wailing. Then gasping for breath. I'm not sure if this is the "up and down" cry I'm supposed to recognize as her frustrated cry trying to figure all this out, but my heart is broken.

I know I could just go sit on the back patio and enjoy this beautiful morning weather and not listen to her cry. But I feel like if she has to go through this, I need to be there with her even if she is currently very mad at me for putting her through this.

But I'm going in to get her in 10 minutes and we'll try again next nap. And the next. And the next...

Sigh. Parenting is hard.

Role Models

For no reason I can explain, Bugga is just now meeting her only cousin, who is three going on 12. Well, I suppose the distance has something to do with it, as they were unable to visit us with the rest of the in-laws over the holidays when we welcomed Bugga into the family.

Aside from the 5 weeks of daycare that my daughter participated in, she has had limited exposure to other people her size, so her cousin was fascinating from the moment her cousin asked the first second, “Can I hold her?!?” Bugga has never seen such energy! She watched mesmerized as my husband sought to cram as much Uncle-ing as possible into the brief overnight stay we had with his niece, never taking her eyes off this new 3-year-old role model.

Could it be coincidence that Bugga then decided to test out her voice more than ever, pushing it to higher decibels than we thought she was capable of without ending up in hysterics? We found it highly entertaining (and somewhat confusing), while my brother- and sister-in-law never batted an eye, used to such chaotic scenes repeating themselves daily in their living room.

I feel like we visited with a 4-month-old infant and left with a toddler. I get a sense that my daughter is finally realizing there is a world full of all sorts of fascinating people and things around her and she needs to swallow up as much as she can TOMORROW.