Listmania: How to Survive Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

When I was pregnant with my second child, I spent a lot of time trying to wrap my head around the logistics of parenting two children at two very different stages of life. It's amazing how much a couple years between kids can mean a world of variation in needs, schedules, meals, preferences, abilities...the list goes on and on. I searched the internet trying to find advice from moms who had been there, but found there really was a shortage of practical information that I could put to use. I am starting this post 7 months into my life with two kids, and though I'm sure it is different for everyone, I think I have a perspective that can hopefully help others out there who are wondering how the heck they will get through this part of parenting. Maybe this will help...

Surviving Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

1. If you still have time before your second child arrives, do some preparation. I'm not talking about setting up the crib - I'm talking about sanity preparation. Start talking to your toddler about the new baby, and include terms like, "patience" and "fragile". 
2. Get your hands on as many big sibling books that you can find - we found "I'm a Big Sister" (brother version also available), as well as "Waiting For Baby" and "You and Me". These all show what life with a new baby will be like and should help immensely once the baby comes home.
3. Start stockpiling quiet toys that can be kept in special bins throughout your house. These can be used by your toddler during baby naptimes, nursing sessions, or when Mom just needs 15 minutes of silence (or almost silence anyway). Include items like books to read, crayons and coloring books, or quiet books (here's my version). To make the boxes even more exciting, only let your toddler use them when you need the quiet time.
4. Keep emergency items all over the place. I have a gallon-size ziploc in my car, my husband's car, and in my way-too-big-to-be-trendy purse. In these bags I have a will-not-be-missed change of clothes for each kid, a diaper for each kid, wipes, a disposable changing pad and a disposable diaper trash bag. At this point I do still use a diaper bag, but it stays in the car and I just pull things from it when I need too.
5. I always keep the following in my purse: A toddler-applicable snack. Stickers and crayons. An old (hopefully charged) smartphone loaded with whatever is the latest and greatest area of interest. I promise you will get caught somewhere, or need to buy some extra toddler happiness when the baby needs attention while you are running errands. A box of raisins always makes my older daughter happy when I need an extra 20 minutes to get everyone through a doctor appointment.
6. Solicit your toddler for help with the baby. This has been huge for us, and Bugga loves to feel important. Even at 2.5 she is able to bring me things like a baby blanket, a clean outfit for the baby, etc. if I just ask her. 
7. Grocery shopping with one kid was a breeze compared to two. In case you didn't learn this the first time around, your baby's car seat DOES NOT go on top of the shopping cart. Ever. And unless you are at Costco, the car seat will likely not fit inside the cart either, especially if you plan on actually shopping for anything, and definitely if your toddler is sitting in the kid seat. This is where the sling/baby carrier serves its purpose. Oh, and don't forget to park right next to the cart return.
8. Speaking of the baby carrier...that thing will come in handy a lot. I wore it all over the house. So did my husband, as for awhile that was the only place Bella would nap. (We do not miss those days AT. ALL.) I also wore it a lot outside of the house - besides shopping, it allowed me to still keep Bugga enrolled in her gymnastics class. She isn't quite old enough for a non-parented class, but I can't have the baby in the infant seat while Bugga is in class. But the sling was no big deal. And Bugga really needs that gymnastics class for a myriad of reasons, so I am so glad I did not have to suspend that from our schedule.
9. If your toddler doesn't use a sound machine, I would consider it at this point. My kids both have sound machines which are priceless tools when both at home and traveling. And now that you will have a new baby potentially screaming at all hours, a sound machine can muffle that sound so at least SOMEONE in your house can get some sleep.
10. Know that this chaotic mess of a life will not last forever. There will be tears of happiness and frustration several times over as you learn to adjust to everything. That first year of your child's life is HARD on a mom. And add a second (or third, or fourth) kid to it, and everything escalates. But your family will evolve into something that works for everyone.

*Note: For some reason I wrote this post and never published it, and I just found it now that my second child is 14 months old. I am happy to say we survived the first year (as you will) and things are definitely easier nowadays that we all know each other much better and have adjusted to life outside the womb. Hang in there!

Baby Data

It's probably no surprise that I am motivated by statistics (the core of my undergraduate degree in Industrial Engineering). I really find data fascinating and eye-opening...and baby data is no different.

A lot of people will tell new moms not to "watch the clock" when feeding a newborn, stressing over naps, or counting the minutes of what seems like endless crying. Well that doesn't work for me. I NEED the data. I need to see trending to find some hope of optimism in what is a very challenging period in my life with a newborn.

There are a lot of methods out there, but I think the easiest way to track the baby data is through an app (I use Total Baby), since nowadays your phone is always within arm's reach. Most programs will keep track of when and how long your baby eats, sleeps, and needs a diaper change, along with doctor visits, milestones, and even pictures.

Here's where I've noticed the big advantage of tracking: when you use it for more than one kid. I used the app with Bugga, and I'm now using it with Bella. As I go through the daily and weekly challenges with Bella, I am finding that I very much forget exactly how things went down with Bugga. Did Bugga wake up this many times at this age? When did we move Bugga to the crib compared to Bella? And I can just look it up in seconds. There's nothing like an instant point of reference when going through all these stressful moments where you feel like you will NEVER come out the other side because this moment is just the WORST...only to see that your first child acted the same way at this age and you lived to tell the tale...or at least the data did.

Second Kid Stress

So here I am, trucking along into my 25th week of pregnancy with Baby #2. That puts us into viability range, which of course, is a nice relief of a milestone. In only a few short weeks I will be pushed over into the Third Trimester. I am starting to feel the stress of having two children creeping up on me.

I'm sure all toddler and newborn moments
 look like this, right? RIGHT?!?!

I know very well I won't be the first to do it, but I am spending more and more time lately trying to wrap my preggo-brain around the logistics of the first few days/weeks/months of my newborn's life while intermingled with my toddler's day-to-day needs. Looking back on my experiences with my first born, I think about how easy it was from my perspective now (go back and read some old posts and see how much I am rewriting history here) and if I was going to be a first-time mom again (which is impossible), I'd be SO. READY.

But that's not really the case here. As much as I know all to well how it works to have a baby, I know NOTHING about what it is like to have a baby AND A TODDLER. And my freakouts are getting a little bigger by the day.

Of course, we must plan for the hospital stay, and my toddler will not likely enjoy or understand that experience and is best left at home until the baby has arrived. This requires planning, especially since we have no family nearby, are new to our new country and therefore have a limited social network, and well, Bugga has never been away from both her parents at once for longer than an hour in her life. And though I "lucked out" last time by only being in labor during daylight hours, there's always that chance that I will need to call SOMEONE to high tail it over to the house at 2AM to watch my daughter as we go speeding off to Labor & Delivery.

Once we get home, then at least we will have a couple weeks of man-on-man coverage with both kids since my husband will be home (thanking my uterus for birthing babies during end-of-the-year holidays once again). But once I am left to my own parenting when he goes back to the office, I am trying to wrap my brain around how I will juggle two severely different nap schedules, nursing, and toddler entertainment and activities that will likely require getting out of the house. Did I mention I'll be doing this in the wintertime? In Canada? Yeah, think snow - lots and lots of snow. I'm not even going to entertain my husband's jokes about nursing outside.

What tiny advice I have obtained here and there is that baby #2 (and any baby after that, should we be crazy enough to go for more...uh....forget I typed that) will be required to be much more flexible then we ever gave baby #1 credit for. Gone will be the eerily quiet household when the baby is sleeping. Gone will be the peaceful nursing sessions in the dark in the glider. And a myriad of other things too, I'm sure.

I'm trying to collect more information on how to plan for the changes, but I'm still coming up short for my own comfort. I found an e-book (The ABC's of Baby #2) last night and devoured it at the gym today - helpful but brief. If anyone out there in internet land has any tips, or resources, I am ready!!!

Nap Breakthrough!

Holy naptime, batman.

After almost 10 months of nursing my daughter to sleep for every bedtime and nap, and then holding her in my lap (thankfully she's been tired enough at night to lay into the crib), we have broken this habit!

Bugga has been a light sleeper for quite awhile. Yes, every newborn will sleep anywhere with any level of noise, but our kiddo grew out of this phase very quickly. Sometime around two months old, she would be easily startled if I turned the car engine off after nodding off during a drive, or woken by the floor creaking if I crept past her bouncer. Realizing she desperately needed more nap time in order to maintain healthy development, I started to nurse her to sleep and then hold her in my lap, barely moving, so she could log some valuable sleep hours.

Her naps started at 20-30 minutes here and there, but soon extended to up to almost 3 hours! I was thrilled, but this meant a lot of butt-in-the-glider time for me. I love to cuddle my little girl, but besides this being precious time that I could use to be productive around the house, if she ever wanted to change sleeping positions, my lap was not conducive to this and any movement she made would lead to her waking up and not getting the full nap she needed. It's been a long ten months for nap challenges around here.

I needed to teach her how to nap in her crib.

I read several books over the previous months on sleep training so I referenced these now to figure out what could be done. The catch is that this wasn't a straight issue of nursing to sleep, since most who do this, do this all night long. We had night-weaned back at 5 weeks or so when Bugga started sleeping through the night. She also could be laid down in her crib at night still awake but drowsy, and roll over and go to sleep. So I knew she had some soothing skills. But I knew I wanted her to a) do this for naps without freaking out (which had been the result if I ever tried before this), and b) be able to put herself back to sleep if she woke up at night (bonus!).

OK so I just went cold turkey on the naps in the crib, figuring I'd give it a try for a week. I was scared to death I would simultaneously ruin bedtime by putting a fear of the crib into my child. I put her down at her scheduled times, twice a day, after nursing. At first there was crying and protesting. I'd lay her down with the lights off (closet light on for a slight light), white noise on, leave the room and close the door. She would begin to cry as I left the room. I watched her on the video monitor for five minutes. She sometimes would sit up or stand up while crying. After five minutes I went back in and offered her the pacifier, laid her back down, rubbed her back for about 2 minutes, then left again. I repeated this until she finally fell asleep.

I started last week on Monday, and by this past Monday (8 days later!), I feel she is officially comfortable with falling asleep on her own. Out of the 14 nap windows during this time, she cried anywhere from 0 to 50 minutes before falling asleep. The 50 minute scenarios happened only (gulp) twice, and although I continued the checks, the second time this happened I just picked her up and moved on - no nap that time. Sometimes she would let out a couple whimpers and/or just nod off; sometimes she'd cry for 5 minutes then be out. And the strange thing is there was no rhyme or reason for which option would happen when. But now she will pretty much go down without freaking out at all (yay!!) and sleep anywhere from 50 minutes until 3 hours (and we had to wake her up from that one). She really is getting better sleep this way, and my husband and I are getting some kid-free time on the weekends which is completely new to us.

If you are struggling with this scenario, I am happy to answer any questions!

Engineering Parenting

My husband and I are both engineers. Because of this, we approach everything with a heavy dose of logic like the whole world is a math problem. Even parenting apparently.

Bugga's schedule has been pretty steady lately, and she's been nursing and eating solids well, sleeping through the night consistently, and even getting almost 3 hours of naps a day. Then there was last night. We normally nurse her to sleep (I know, I know) around 8:15ish, and she's typically out like a light at 9:05 PM. Not last night.

Last night she was wide awake. Not interested in sleeping whatsoever and just stood up in her crib happy as a clam unless we left the room, and then she cried. This went on for hours. It was awesome. Oh and it was my husband's birthday. So no cake for us.

We spent those three hours in my daughter's room analyzing what had gone wrong that day. Should we have not switched up the pajamas? She didn't need a bath after dinner (for once) that night, did we throw off her bedtime routine? Did she nap enough during the day (yes)? Did I have caffeine? Like a math problem, we figured we had somehow switched up the equation and it resulted in bedtime chaos. Unfortunately in this exercise, anything that DID go wrong (we still don't know what) fell into my lap, as I am the one who spends my days with her. Sigh. No more math tonight please...

Baby Schedule (8, 9, 10 Months)

I thought it would be a good idea to share our latest schedule. I think the last time I posted about the details was way back when I was first planning on being a Stay at Home Mom. Well, to say the least, things are different now. For one, my kiddo is 5 months older. (WHOA! I've been doing this for FIVE months already?!?) Also, I was a little clueless as to what was realistic as far as scheduling goes. So if you want a good laugh, please check out how I thought we'd be spending our weeks.

We've hit a good stride lately, and as long as we stick. to. the. schedule. everything is great. WOW do babies need a schedule. We've tried to put her to bed a little later some nights when we are caught out of the house when a family activity runs late, and we pay for it. The biggest problem ends up being a cranky baby - but the worst result has been a baby that is overtired and either will not go to sleep until several hours later, or wakes up several times throughout the night.

I know that some baby experts recommend that babies be eating 3 meals of solids a day at this age (several others leave this open-ended as "food is for fun, until after one"), however we are still just at 2 meals a day. Honestly - we spend sooo much time nursing, eating solids, and napping that there is hardly time for anything else during the day. As it stands, we pretty much have time to leave the house once a day, so we have to use our errand/activity time wisely. If we are out somewhere for lunch during the day (that does not involve a drive-thru) I have Cheerios handy to keep Bugga from turning green from food jealousy. And they make for easy cleanup.

Also, we are currently on two naps, with the longest one being in the late morning. The second nap is a little harder to come by, and lately it's usually done in the car on the way back from somewhere. My formerly very "green" self has vaporized in order to keep my child napping, and since she wakes if I try to move her, I have spent a lot of time sitting in my garage (door open!) with the air-conditioning/heat running.

I feel like it would be useful to post our schedules from previous months, and since I am still logging everything in my Total Baby app, I will go back in the next week or two and pull the schedules from Bugga's previous ages.

Living the Baby Life

I'm pretty sure my husband and I did not realize how much our social lives would change post-baby. Sure, we knew we would be doing more kid-friendly activities, and probably be spending less time in the bar scene. But it never even crossed my mind to think about day vs. night entertainment and how our social time of the day would change.

While pregnant a daydreamed of us introducing Bugga to all our favorite music by spending her first summer picnicking outside amphitheaters so we could bring along all our bulky baby gear and still enjoy the sounds we love. My husband and I talked about how fun it would be to now have an excuse to go see all those great animated movies that are now released every other weekend.


Well here we are, Bugga's first summer, and guess what? Babies have a bedtime. And it is generally before it even GETS dark, so all those summer concerts that normally start at 7pm? Not happening. Oh and taking the baby to the movie theater? Yeah, I didn't even THINK about the volume in those places - apparently it is very dangerous for tiny ears.


So for awhile we are limited to daytime events, squeezed between meals and nap times, and reasonable decibel levels. Gives my husband an excuse to invest in a stellar home movie system.

Happy 4th of July everyone! I'll be catching my fireworks on tv this year!

Who Fights a Nap?

My 6 month old, that's who. I am currently listening to her WAIL as I try to get her to sleep for Nap #1 of the day. This is SO hard. But I know she's tired. She was rubbing her eyes like the most obvious cartoon character and it was exactly 2 hours from when she woke up. So into the crib she went...and then proceeded to shriek. 

It's been 45 minutes of this misery.

I've checked on her several times, but that does nothing whatsoever. She continues to shriek. I know I'm supposed to listen to her cries to understand what is going on, but it all seems pretty steady. Horrible gurgling. Wailing. Then gasping for breath. I'm not sure if this is the "up and down" cry I'm supposed to recognize as her frustrated cry trying to figure all this out, but my heart is broken.

I know I could just go sit on the back patio and enjoy this beautiful morning weather and not listen to her cry. But I feel like if she has to go through this, I need to be there with her even if she is currently very mad at me for putting her through this.

But I'm going in to get her in 10 minutes and we'll try again next nap. And the next. And the next...

Sigh. Parenting is hard.

May Successes

• 5/1: Bugga is sitting quite well on her own now and I am SO proud! Not bad for 5.5 months!
• 5/2: Today Bugga took a nap ON HER STOMACH. Up until this point we had rigged up a blanket system in her crib that kept her from rolling onto her belly since once there, she would cry in frustration.
• 5/3: Vacuumed the dust off of the ceiling fans. Uh yeah, this is a success.
• 5/4: The baby is rolling back to front repeatedly like a little wind-up toy. She is getting so strong. Actually have all the ingredients for a Cinco de Mayo feast of champions for tomorrow - Corona Light included (gotta watch those calories you know).
• 5/5: (bonus weekend inclusion) We have dropped the use of the pacifier at night and last night Bugga slept from 9:50pm until 7:52am - with only 3 minutes of crying at 6:02am! Typically we'd have jumped right up to get in there and provide the pacifier, but we waited to see what she'd do and she was back off to sleep in no time!
• 5/6: Off
• 5/7: My birthday was today, so I promised myself a gift of no baby stress, which I accomplished. Our big success? Getting a night out with my husband for a grown-ups-only dinner, while Bugga spent the time with friends of ours. It was actually easier than I thought it would be!
• 5/8: Today Bugga napped for a solid 2 hours!!! Nevermind that it was on my lap...at least my email account is a lot cleaner. 
• 5/9: Baby got up way too early for my preference today which really started our day off on the wrong foot...but she then took TWO naps for almost 4 hours of daytime sleep, which is unheard of in this house.
• 5/10: Decent napping again, which allowed me to straighten up the house enough to be presentable. Since we just gave our landlord notice we will not be renewing our lease (we bought a house!), he is bringing potential tenants through this evening. Don't get me started how inconvenient that timing is, but whatever.
• 5/11: My husband worked from home today, and with Mother's Day this weekend, took Bugga off for some "errands" with him so I could sleep. Love him. Relationship success for sure.
• 5/12: Off
• 5/13: Mother's Day - SO off. (Happy Mother's Day everyone!)
• 5/14: Kicked Monday's BEhind! Hit up Whole Foods for organic vegetables to make for Bugga's first foods (avocado, butternut squash, and sweet potato), she catnapped her way through the day but still logged over 2 hours (which is a success in my book), and I even found time to do the dishes, straighten my bedroom, and...wait for it...WORK! OUT! WORKOUT! I actually got on the elliptical today while Bugga exersauced on the new exersaucer. Record day. Especially for a Monday. 
• 5/15: Must have been tired from the workout - can't remember!
• 5/16: Worked out again! That is TWICE in one week. Sigh. That used to be no big deal.
• 5/17: This one seems to have fallen off the radar...
• 5/18: Closed on our new house today! TOTAL success!
• 5/19-20: OFF
• 5/21: Hmmm. Today my success is that I got out of bed today. And only because I had to. Yep, it was that kind of day.
• 5/22: Another tough one. Made an attempt at sleep training naps this week in case it wasn't obvious. Oh! Bought a lot of great fruits and veggies at the grocery store today to get my diet turned around already.
• 5/23: After a really rough night (thank you, nap issues) Bugga and I still woke up with best intentions and survived the day together!
• 5/24: Really enjoyed today with my daughter. She is smiling at everything and I love watching the joy in her face as she figures out she needs to learn how to go forward instead of backward when she wants that toy in front of her.
• 5/25:
• 5/26:

Sleep Stress

I've noticed lately that I have a little anxiety in the evenings regarding what that night will bring for sleep for the house. My husband has been out of town for business for the past 4 nights (only two more to go!!) and it has been challenging to say the least.

As I mentioned previously, Bugga is a pretty decent sleeper at night, but can't nap for crap. I take equal responsibility for this so I'm working on my parenting skills (back to that MBA in Baby thing again!). I still am in the habit of tracking all her diapers, sleep time and nursing time via my Total Baby app on my iPhone so I am well aware how much sleep she is (not) getting.

The first few mornings my husband was gone, Bugga decided that 5am had the most exciting events taking place, and she was not about to sleep through it. Ugh. I am not a morning person. Neither is my husband. We are hoping neither is our daughter, but, well...there's still hope for the future I suppose. I'm guessing this is tied to minimal sleep time during the day that results in her being overtired and having trouble keeping the longer stretches at night.

So by last night, I was so scared she'd wake up super early, and just never go back to sleep. I had her on track with feedings at least all day so I could get them all in with her going to bed a little sooner than usual. I have heard the phrase "sleep begets sleep" so WOW was I hoping this was right. But I was stressed out.

Usually I'll nurse her a bit before I put her in her sleep sack and then lay her in her crib. After that full meal she is typically pretty exhausted so it's all we can do to keep her eyes open until she sets her head to the mattress. But not last night...ugh the instant sweat on the back of my neck when I heard her fussing over the baby monitor as I finished shoveling down my dinner so I could go to bed immediately and stock up on my own sleep.

But then something miraculous happened - she fussed for about 10 minutes, with it never really making it to a cry and then ALL THE NOISES STOPPED. Had she really just put herself to sleep? I waited another 10 minutes before tempting fate and then snuck into the nursery. Yep, there she was, arms splayed over her head, out cold. Oh, the pride I felt that moment.

I did go to bed shortly after in case this was a fluke. I heard her singing at 2am (and LOVED THAT!), fussing at 5am and 6am - but each time she soother herself back to sleep. She woke for the day at 7:15am. I'll say that last night was a Total Win.

And tonight is a new night. But hopefully I feel a little less stress, to be replaced by a little more confidence in The Bugga.

Feed Me

My daughter has been exclusively breastfed since birth, and somehow, fortunately, we are still going strong 4.5 months in. (This is absolutely NOT a blog about the best way to feed your child – I say to each her own, and only you know whether breastmilk or formula works for your little one.)

The main challenge I have at this point is trying to fit in 6 full feedings throughout a day, when a baby this age is also supposed to be sleeping 12 hours or so at night (and just so we're clear, that also isn't happening). We strive for a meal every 3 hours starting from the time we wake up, but by the end of the day we are on 2-hour cycles just to be sure we fit them all in before bed. I constantly feel like I am falling behind schedule throughout the day. It’s exhausting. 

I am trying out a variation in my schedule where I front load a couple of my 2-hour cycles first thing in the morning. This way if we should be so lucky that she does nap later on, she doesn’t need to miss a meal in exchange for sleep. She does not nurse overnight, so there are no bonus feedings.

How do you make it work??

Keeping a Schedule

I read on various blogs before I left my job that the most important thing about staying at home with your kids is to create a schedule. A schedule gives you purpose, helps you feel accomplished at the end of the day when the house might still be a mess, and helps you fit in everything you want to do with your child(ren). And since you are your own boss, if you disregard your schedule for a day, so be it.

This seemed genius to me so off I went, building what I thought would work for us into Excel, color-coding all the fun we’d be having. I feel that the best method for this schedule building is to color-code by category. This way things can be interchanged when needed for the most part (varying by time needed for each). I also recognize that this is a living document and it is subject to change permanently on a regular basis as my daughter needs different things, and hopefully as I become more efficient with my time.

Below is an example of where I started. Note that it is pretty general. The feeding schedule works for my 4.5 month old who is not yet eating solids (and STILL needs an hour to eat). The nap schedule would ideally work, but, well, we are still working on that. What isn’t included here is meal planning for the following week (done on the weekend), and what happens around the time my husband gets home from work, but my daughter typically gets a bath, eats one more time, and heads to bed.

At the very least, I have a “focus” room in the house each day, where even if Bugga never gets her naps (and right now this is often) I still pass through the room of honor repeatedly and “tidy on the go” so that at least I feel like I got something done that day. 

I welcome any other tips that can be generally useful for getting through the day feeling accomplished!