Listmania: How to Survive Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

When I was pregnant with my second child, I spent a lot of time trying to wrap my head around the logistics of parenting two children at two very different stages of life. It's amazing how much a couple years between kids can mean a world of variation in needs, schedules, meals, preferences, abilities...the list goes on and on. I searched the internet trying to find advice from moms who had been there, but found there really was a shortage of practical information that I could put to use. I am starting this post 7 months into my life with two kids, and though I'm sure it is different for everyone, I think I have a perspective that can hopefully help others out there who are wondering how the heck they will get through this part of parenting. Maybe this will help...

Surviving Two Kids - Life with a Newborn and a Toddler

1. If you still have time before your second child arrives, do some preparation. I'm not talking about setting up the crib - I'm talking about sanity preparation. Start talking to your toddler about the new baby, and include terms like, "patience" and "fragile". 
2. Get your hands on as many big sibling books that you can find - we found "I'm a Big Sister" (brother version also available), as well as "Waiting For Baby" and "You and Me". These all show what life with a new baby will be like and should help immensely once the baby comes home.
3. Start stockpiling quiet toys that can be kept in special bins throughout your house. These can be used by your toddler during baby naptimes, nursing sessions, or when Mom just needs 15 minutes of silence (or almost silence anyway). Include items like books to read, crayons and coloring books, or quiet books (here's my version). To make the boxes even more exciting, only let your toddler use them when you need the quiet time.
4. Keep emergency items all over the place. I have a gallon-size ziploc in my car, my husband's car, and in my way-too-big-to-be-trendy purse. In these bags I have a will-not-be-missed change of clothes for each kid, a diaper for each kid, wipes, a disposable changing pad and a disposable diaper trash bag. At this point I do still use a diaper bag, but it stays in the car and I just pull things from it when I need too.
5. I always keep the following in my purse: A toddler-applicable snack. Stickers and crayons. An old (hopefully charged) smartphone loaded with whatever is the latest and greatest area of interest. I promise you will get caught somewhere, or need to buy some extra toddler happiness when the baby needs attention while you are running errands. A box of raisins always makes my older daughter happy when I need an extra 20 minutes to get everyone through a doctor appointment.
6. Solicit your toddler for help with the baby. This has been huge for us, and Bugga loves to feel important. Even at 2.5 she is able to bring me things like a baby blanket, a clean outfit for the baby, etc. if I just ask her. 
7. Grocery shopping with one kid was a breeze compared to two. In case you didn't learn this the first time around, your baby's car seat DOES NOT go on top of the shopping cart. Ever. And unless you are at Costco, the car seat will likely not fit inside the cart either, especially if you plan on actually shopping for anything, and definitely if your toddler is sitting in the kid seat. This is where the sling/baby carrier serves its purpose. Oh, and don't forget to park right next to the cart return.
8. Speaking of the baby carrier...that thing will come in handy a lot. I wore it all over the house. So did my husband, as for awhile that was the only place Bella would nap. (We do not miss those days AT. ALL.) I also wore it a lot outside of the house - besides shopping, it allowed me to still keep Bugga enrolled in her gymnastics class. She isn't quite old enough for a non-parented class, but I can't have the baby in the infant seat while Bugga is in class. But the sling was no big deal. And Bugga really needs that gymnastics class for a myriad of reasons, so I am so glad I did not have to suspend that from our schedule.
9. If your toddler doesn't use a sound machine, I would consider it at this point. My kids both have sound machines which are priceless tools when both at home and traveling. And now that you will have a new baby potentially screaming at all hours, a sound machine can muffle that sound so at least SOMEONE in your house can get some sleep.
10. Know that this chaotic mess of a life will not last forever. There will be tears of happiness and frustration several times over as you learn to adjust to everything. That first year of your child's life is HARD on a mom. And add a second (or third, or fourth) kid to it, and everything escalates. But your family will evolve into something that works for everyone.

*Note: For some reason I wrote this post and never published it, and I just found it now that my second child is 14 months old. I am happy to say we survived the first year (as you will) and things are definitely easier nowadays that we all know each other much better and have adjusted to life outside the womb. Hang in there!

Potty Patrol

I was in absolutely no hurry to potty train my older daughter. I have just grown to accept diapers are what they are, and honestly, diapers give me CONTROL. Seriously - I know when and where my toddler will need a diaper change (the baby, she's a little more sporadic). My friends who are parents of newly-toilet trained children are familiar with just about every public bathroom in town. Ew.

I had started collecting articles on what signs you should look for with regards to readiness, and then what to do once the training began.

Here's what these articles taught me:

1. Kids respond well to bribes. (But we knew that.)
2. There are no guaranteed signs of readiness across the board - all kids are different.
3. There are also no guaranteed methods of potty training. 

And this is how it all shook out for us:

Like I said, no rush for this milestone. It crossed my mind that she might be mature enough to handle this at 2 years old, but as I was about to have another baby, I was not about to throw this variable into our lives until I had a clue how I was going to handle two kids in general. A little after my daughter hit 2 1/2 or so, I started slowly collecting the things I thought we would need for the potty training adventure, once it started to make its appearance.

I decided from the get go we would not be dealing with the kid-size toilet. I hear of all these parents who buy these for their children after their 1st birthday and then keep it in the living room, the bedroom, the back of the car, all so the child can get "comfortable" with the concept of using the mini-potty. It's not a stuffed animal - it's a toilet. Not many of us use a toilet next to our sectional. And on top of that, I had zero interest in cleaning that thing out every time my child was successful.

No matter which route you take, your regular routine is still going to be affected, and for that you need STUFF. You will most likely need a potty training seat, as their little rear end will be liable to fall right in for many more years. Along with that is a stool to reach the toilet. I recommend either multiple stools, or make the one you have lightweight so your toddler can move it between the toilet and the sink. Depending on your bathroom, you might also need a faucet extender, a faucet handle extender, and even a light switch extender. AND depending on your house, you might need this setup in each bathroom your child could use when nature calls.

Basically, you need to think about all the steps your child will need to go through to address a bathroom urgency on their own should you be unable to assist in a split second when they have. to. GO.

So I bought a variety of potty seats (there is no easy way to tell which ones will fit the toilets in your house until you bring them home and put them on the seat) and step stools. As I type this we are a month out from our potty training, and we use one potty seat and two stools in two different bathrooms (the main guest half bath and the bathroom between my daughters' rooms). The wood stools are nice, but they are heavy and make a lot of noise. Since my daughter's toilet is on the other side of the wall from my other daughter's crib, I needed to squash all the stool moving in the middle of the night so that bathroom needed TWO STOOLS.

I also bought a folding travel potty seat (with princesses of course), several packages of underwear with Bugga's favorite characters, and even flushable wipes. Then I waited for the signs. That never really came. Her interest in the whole toileting process ebbed and flowed, and she always woke up soaked in the morning because I didn't have the heart to cut off her liquids in the evenings.

Bugga started school two days a week this year where they do not potty train, but maintain whatever you are doing. What they did start doing is sitting Bugga on a toilet three times a day, which I used as my jumping off point.

I created a chart based on the things that motivate my specific child (in Bugga's case, certain shows, apps, and movies, since she only gets these in special situations). Then I declared Labor Day Weekend as our training weekend. Our plan was to have one parent assigned to be with Bugga all day long at all times. She typically would wander around the house playing on her own but that would not work for this. I also had to be tough with my husband that we couldn't just do this in the living room (ahhh the rug!) and simultaneously watch college football as someone was sure to miss crucial signs of nature calling. 

I set up our master bathroom (it's a little over-the-top spacious, but any bathroom should work as children are little) to be All Things Toddler and put in there her easel, her Lego table, and her little play table and chairs with books, puzzles, and coloring.

Then we dove right in! On the first day (Saturday), Bugga wore nothing but a shirt all day (except training pants for naptime) so she'd have easy access to the toilet. Then we took her to it every 15 minutes with a timer, giving her a chance to go. Every time she'd successfully use the toilet she'd get a sticker on her chart (one sticker for pee, three for poop), an animal cracker, and a lot of congratulations. In between trips to the toilet, we continuously offered beverages and salty snacks to give her plenty of opportunity to learn to recognize the signs of needing to go. Her favorite way to pass the time that day was of course by having tea parties with REAL WATER. She couldn't get enough of this special turn of events and it worked just fine for me! At the end of the day, she had successfully peed on the potty well over 20 times - and with no accidents! (No sign of any poop though. And my kid is typically pretty regular...)

On Day Two Bugga got to start wearing her new undies, which she was thrilled with. We also did not confine her to the bathroom all day either and tried to get back into our regular routine. We had a couple accidents that day, which was to be expected at this point. But we still moved successfully through her chart and she spent most of the day in a chair in front of her reward shows anyway. And finally, finally after sitting for a loonnnnngggg time on the toilet on the evening of Day Two, reading books to her and keeping her busy, she finally pooped on her target after avoiding the issue for two days. Okay, and we added the incentive of a new Anna dress-up dress (from Frozen, in case you live under a rock). We did more of the same on Day Three.

The long weekend ended, and we went back to our routine as far as leaving the house for activities, school and errands. Bugga kept on with her chart, having very limited accidents. The poop thing was a bit of a struggle for awhile, as she would clearly need to go but would go back and forth between playing and sitting on the potty...and then eventually have an accident. The good thing is she did not like how this felt, and would cry, so I was optimistic we wouldn't have to deal with too much more of this.

After about a week our process evolved to incorporating "Poop Prizes". At this point, Bugga can pee on the potty successfully whenever she needs to, without any accidents. And if she poops without accident, she gets an animal cracker and to pick from a prize basket filled with more undies, books, Frozen paraphernalia, and puzzles. This method clinched her success and now she goes regularly on her own.

Ugh this was a long post. But potty training requires patience just like reading all of the above. And again, only you know your kid and what motivates him or her. If it doesn't take the first time, you can always wait and try again.

Sometimes We Don't Relate I Guess

I remember when Bugga was about 7 months old and I was struggling with her sleep regression, waking up with her every night at random times, for 100 different reasons - she was practicing standing, her pacifier fell out of the crib, she had a stuffed up nose...anything. It always seemed to be something. I remember sharing my woes with a friend of mine whose son is about a year older. Her response, "Hmmm, oh well we never had that problem so I can't help. Sorry!" said with an inappropriately cavalier attitude. Guess how much I see this friend since this stellar understanding moment? Yeah, not much.

Was her son always an awesome sleeper? The odds are against it, but sure it's possible. Is that really the point though? The point, at least from my perspective, was to be just the teensiest bit understanding about my situation. I mean, we're both moms right? We've likely read a lot of the same books about parenting and know relatively the same general information about all there is to know about the possibility that our children might have some trouble sleeping at some point. And I was likely mentioning my strife for 30 lousy seconds of commiseration. Commiseration I didn't get.

We just finished a weekend of the initial move to potty train my 2.5 year old daughter. It was a long weekend of never leaving the house, with highs and (really gross) lows but we did make it out the other side. I am happy to say she spent the entire day at preschool today with ZERO accidents - and this is just Day 4.

Anyway, I was reminded of the situation above when I left the house for a lousy hour this past weekend to run some quick errands that included picking up more Frozen and Minnie Mouse underwear that have been helping to motivate my daughter, as well as restocking our supply of several small prizes for her successes. While at the checkout of one of the stores, I get into a conversation with the cashier regarding what I was in the midst of at home (nope, that stash of sequined $1 princess crowns are not for a party actually, but instead are poop rewards - hey you asked), making it pretty obvious that it's been exhausting. No joke, she says, "Ah yes...with my daughter she just put on her underwear one day and that was it. It was great!" Ughhhhhh, seriously?

So what is with the knee-jerk lack of empathy between moms? Is this normal? Has it happened to anyone else?

Tips For Traveling With a Baby/Toddler

I need a vacation. Like, immediately. However, going on a vacation today means now managing the logistics of traveling with TWO children. As I'm trying to wrap my head around how to possibly climb this mountain, I thought I'd offer my advice on how to travel with one child under the age of two. Bugga traveled almost 25,000 air miles in her first year of life, and many of those miles included family vacations (we also moved to Alaska for a bit so those miles are a chunk of her total). Either way, we got to be seasoned parent travelers and lived to tell the tale.

Here's how we did it:
1.) Always bring a stroller. You will need this at some point. Even if you are totally into the baby-wearing thing (bring your sling too!) - the stroller carries both your child, and all of your child-related STUFF. And your stuff. And lunch to go in the airport. You get my point. When Bugga was still in the baby bucket we used this stroller, which I cannot recommend enough. You can even open and close it with one hand and it has a huge basket. When she was no longer in the bucket we used this stroller, which comes with a travel bag (for checking) and is still in great condition now after 1.5 years of a LOT of airports.

2.) Always bring a car seat. Sure you can get away with not bringing a car seat. But if you are traveling anywhere other than New York City or somewhere similar (and then plan to limit your transportation to subway or foot) your child should be strapped into their car seat. No, you won't get arrested for trying to get into a cab with an infant without a car seat, but if you get in an accident (and you KNOW how the cabbies drive) you will regret it. There are car seats on the market that double as strollers. Or you can get a backpack to carry the car seat in while you go through the airport (if baby isn't in the bucket already). Make sure you have a cover either way so the seat isn't nasty if you end up gate checking it.

3.) If traveling by plane, check your baby gear at the gate, NOT at check-in. Yep, you can check your baby items for free in both areas. Maybe you think it's a pain to drag all these things through the airport, especially if you don't have a ticketed seat for your baby and won't be using the car seat until you arrive at your destination. Doesn't matter. When you gate check these items, they are out of your sight and have a chance to be damaged by someone else for a mere MINUTES before they are put underneath the plane. Hand them over at check-in and they are out of your sight for potential HOURS that someone might drop or damage your goods in any number of ways that are undetectable to you when you pick them up at Baggage Claim. You will regret this too.

4.) Pick your flight carefully. If you are booking early enough, pick a time that coincides with the time your child sleeps. I now prefer red-eye flights with my child because I KNOW she will sleep then. We ran out of luck after awhile booking during nap time because it was just too exciting for her to sleep, and then we had NO nap. Not my preferred way to vacation. And avoid layovers whenever you can. Just GET THERE.

5.) Pick your seats on the airplane even more carefully. If your flight isn't overbooked, you might be able to avoid paying for a ticket for your baby, then find a row with an empty seat. Gate agents will even move you to a row with an empty seat if you ask nicely because they know as well as anyone that no one wants to sit next to a baby on a plane. Don't be offended - use this to your advantage. And try to get these seats next to a bathroom so you aren't waiting behind 5 other people who got there first when your kid has a loaded diaper. If your child is moving around on his own and can maybe even stand and walk, get bulkhead seats, so you have the extra space in front of you. My daughter loved to sit in her own "space" once we reached cruising altitude and didn't have to be constrained.

6.) If budget allows, book a suite at a hotel. A lot of inexpensive hotel chains nowadays have suites for great rates. It pays (in dollars and sanity) to do your research. A suite gives you the freedom to not be sitting with your spouse in the dark when your child is sleeping. And remember how much they sleep, day and night. With a suite you can essentially set your separate room up as a nursery and keep it dark, use white noise, etc.

7.) What if you can't book a suite? It happens for any number of reasons, but you can still survive. (First world problems, I know.) First, try to get a balcony. We didn't feel like forking over the hundreds of extra dollars on our Hawaii vacation with Bugga so the next best thing was a balcony where my husband and or I could hang out while the baby took naps. I spent plenty of relaxing vacation name with a book, a cocktail, and a view all while Bugga napped safely just mere feet from me in total darkness in our room.

8.) What if you can't book a suite OR a room with a balcony? Here's what you need to add to your luggage: a dark-colored, full-size (or bigger) flat bedsheet, two command hooks that can hold as much weight as possible, and a couple chip-style clips. Use these to drape over the hotel crib you stick in the corner of the room to create a dark area for your child when she sleeps. The command hooks (attach them to the wall) and clips hold up the sheet, and the hooks can be taken down later when you leave. You still need to be quiet in the room, but it's nice not to need to be in darkness. Now you and your spouse can at least watch a movie with headphones on the iPad or something. Wink, wink. Oh, and don't forget crib sheets from home.

9.) Bring a white noise machine. I mentioned it above, but this is an essential piece of kid gear in my book. Even if you don't use one at home, outside noises can be unpredictable when traveling (especially in hotel hallways) so if you can block out anything that might disrupt your child's sleep, your life is better! How many times have you been stuck in a hotel that has construction going on above or below your room?

10.) Baby's gotta eat. If your child is eating solids, don't forget to grab a banana from the breakfast buffet to have in the diaper bag later. Boxes of raisins travel well too. Kids under 3 usually eat at buffets for free, so take advantage of that. And don't forget to ask your server what the chef is able to do. We ordered plain pasta with olive oil off the menu from a higher-end Italian restaurant when we were there for their breakfast so we could have lunch ready to go later for our daughter. Oh, and bring bowls with lids to refrigerate any leftovers so you always have something. (Most hotel rooms have a refrigerator lately, I have noticed.)

I have tons of other suggestions for all parts of travel if anyone has any additional questions. Also, if anyone wants to offer up any tips for traveling with more than one kid I am ALL EARS!

Magnetic Board Options

After my recent project creating Fabric Alphabet Magnets for my daughter, I of course needed to find a magnetic space for her to use her new magnets.

I saw this great idea on Pinterest to use an inexpensive oil drip pan that can be purchased for a low price at a local Home Depot or Lowe's. Perfect.

Except apparently in Canada they don't believe in these particular style of oil drip pans, so I hit a dead end immediately.

Then I thought, well, I'll just get a board cut to my specifications, and then use a couple various products on the market (specifically Chalk Board Paint and Magnetic Paint) and make my daughter her own customized chalkboard-magnet-board combo space. Genius.

Thankfully I did a little online researching before investing in any of the supplies needed. I found this and this which taught me two things: 1) There is a certain guy posting on every internet thread about his magnetic paint additive that is overall a pretty grouchy guy, and 2) Magnetic paint is a waste of time and energy.

OK so now what? I could buy a kid-specific magnetic board, but I really wanted something BIG and most kid magnetic boards I could find are somewhat teeny.

In the end, I went with a magnetic dry erase board (Michael's, ~$20). I will be no means be giving my 21-month-old dry erase markers anytime soon, but it works great as a clean magnetic space for her new magnets, and down the road she'll have fun with the markers.

Second Kid Stress

So here I am, trucking along into my 25th week of pregnancy with Baby #2. That puts us into viability range, which of course, is a nice relief of a milestone. In only a few short weeks I will be pushed over into the Third Trimester. I am starting to feel the stress of having two children creeping up on me.

I'm sure all toddler and newborn moments
 look like this, right? RIGHT?!?!

I know very well I won't be the first to do it, but I am spending more and more time lately trying to wrap my preggo-brain around the logistics of the first few days/weeks/months of my newborn's life while intermingled with my toddler's day-to-day needs. Looking back on my experiences with my first born, I think about how easy it was from my perspective now (go back and read some old posts and see how much I am rewriting history here) and if I was going to be a first-time mom again (which is impossible), I'd be SO. READY.

But that's not really the case here. As much as I know all to well how it works to have a baby, I know NOTHING about what it is like to have a baby AND A TODDLER. And my freakouts are getting a little bigger by the day.

Of course, we must plan for the hospital stay, and my toddler will not likely enjoy or understand that experience and is best left at home until the baby has arrived. This requires planning, especially since we have no family nearby, are new to our new country and therefore have a limited social network, and well, Bugga has never been away from both her parents at once for longer than an hour in her life. And though I "lucked out" last time by only being in labor during daylight hours, there's always that chance that I will need to call SOMEONE to high tail it over to the house at 2AM to watch my daughter as we go speeding off to Labor & Delivery.

Once we get home, then at least we will have a couple weeks of man-on-man coverage with both kids since my husband will be home (thanking my uterus for birthing babies during end-of-the-year holidays once again). But once I am left to my own parenting when he goes back to the office, I am trying to wrap my brain around how I will juggle two severely different nap schedules, nursing, and toddler entertainment and activities that will likely require getting out of the house. Did I mention I'll be doing this in the wintertime? In Canada? Yeah, think snow - lots and lots of snow. I'm not even going to entertain my husband's jokes about nursing outside.

What tiny advice I have obtained here and there is that baby #2 (and any baby after that, should we be crazy enough to go for more...uh....forget I typed that) will be required to be much more flexible then we ever gave baby #1 credit for. Gone will be the eerily quiet household when the baby is sleeping. Gone will be the peaceful nursing sessions in the dark in the glider. And a myriad of other things too, I'm sure.

I'm trying to collect more information on how to plan for the changes, but I'm still coming up short for my own comfort. I found an e-book (The ABC's of Baby #2) last night and devoured it at the gym today - helpful but brief. If anyone out there in internet land has any tips, or resources, I am ready!!!

Splash Pad Throw Down!

OK, well, my first born made it to 17 months until her mommy got into a verbal fight with another mom. Should I be proud of that? I've thought through this confrontation over and over, and I'm confident that in hindsight I still handled it the way I believe I should have.

So here we are, kicking off a fantastic family vacation in Florida with a stop at Busch Gardens in Tampa. We pretty much stuck to the kiddo area with our toddler, which meant splash pad fun! Woohoo! Bugga loves these things, having just discovered them at home - she doesn't have to stress over blowing bubbles or not touching the bottom when she wants to.

Bugga and I were walking around the large splash pad area looking at all the fun water obstacles, as I noticed the posted rules included "Yield to small children." Perfect - that is us indeed!

There is an area that essentially has water "guns" that can be aimed at each other in 90 degree circles and directed to a variety of heights. As we walked past this with another mom and her stroller, a 5-year-old boy turned and aimed right at me and my 1 year old. He drenched me (and I was wearing street clothes) and hosed my daughter down in the face. His expression stated that he clearly knew what he was doing. The mom with the stroller was apparently his mother, said something to him along the lines of, "Play niiiiiiiiice" and then kept on walking, turning her back on her misbehaving son. He then turned right around, aimed at my daughter's face again, and sprayed her with the water while squealing, "Got you!!!!"

Oh it was on.

I gave the mother a stern, "Ma'am!" call, and she froze, as she clearly knew this had to do with her child. She turned around with attitude on her face and a "Yeah?" where I promptly told her that her son was out of hand and needed a parent to help him out. She immediately got all defensive and said, "Well you ARE at a water park, you should expect to get wet!"

Me: "What I don't expect is for my daughter to be attacked by such a mean kid that is 5 times her size."
Her: "Well you don't know what it's like to have a 5 year old boy and another child. We are working with him."
Me: "What I do know is that it is my job to protect my own child, and that I am responsible for what happens to her. As you should be for your children."
Her: "You don't know what it's like! He is a five year old boy!"
Me: "Then you need to not turn your back on him. Otherwise you need some help!"
I walked away with my daughter, as clearly this mom was missing the point.

Look, I get that kids have to learn things. And I also don't believe anyone at 5 years old can be that evil. But seriously, turning your back on your child's bad behavior? All I heard from this mom's reasoning was, "I can't handle being a parent." Honestly - if you can't be somewhere and be responsible for BOTH of your children, you either should not have left the house, or you need to bring another adult with you to help. There is no excuse for not being aware of (or worse, IGNORING) what your children are doing, especially when out in public.

About 5 minutes later the little boy came up to us and apologized for spraying us in the face with the water. I guess Mom thought I was right after all. I thanked him, left my daughter with my husband, and went to smooth things over.

I walked back up to the mom, told her I appreciated her sending her son over, and I was sorry I raised my voice. She then got back on her defensive soapbox and starting moaning about how "I don't know what it's like" and then I knew I shouldn't have bothered. Poor little boy - it's going to be a rough ride with that woman.

So - would you have handled it any differently? I would love to hear it!

Mom Competition

We've all apparently felt it. And heard the comments. And probably made the comments. Moms bash other moms ALL. THE. TIME. Why? I'm guessing it's because it makes us feel like we are doing that much less of a crappy job as a parent if you can point out at least ONE person who is doing worse than you. The problem is, this behavior/thought process/arrogance does no one any good, especially your children.

We are surrounded by judgmental looks on the playground, reality TV shows like "Dance Moms" where the parents spend their lives cutting each other down, and our own insecurities - it's amazing our kids can get themselves to school in the morning.

If you've ever read a thread on a parenting message board where a proud parent is asking if their 1 year old is "advanced" because of A, B, C, that parent will be shot down so fast it is like they were lurking in the background and waiting for this type of post. I have rarely ever seen supportive comments come out of that discussion, and I feel like it is all driven by competitiveness and jealousy.

It has to stop! Why not just say, "Hey, that's great that your kid can do that! You must be spending a lot of time working on X skill with your child." What is the harm in that? As parents, we rarely get reassurance we are doing things right, and a comment like that might just keep that household going one more day that week! Think of it like the basic compliment - you tell someone you like their outfit or their hair why? Because you have to? No, because you want them to feel good about it! What's wrong with someone feeling good about their parenting? It in no way takes away from how you parent, just like a hair compliment doesn't make you look any less attractive.

What I fear are those parents you see on reality TV (so they must be real, right?) who will take discussions with other parents as far as yelling and screaming, with the obligatory foul language - and right in front of their kids! That is child abuse if I've ever seen it. I still can't believe the networks don't get involved, but apparently you sell your soul for ratings.

Be a better parent. Make someone else feel like a better parent. Your kids will thank you.

Listmania: Baby Registry Must Haves

Nowadays most full-time parents will register at a chain brand for baby items that will come in handy during baby's first year. I did a lot of research around the time I was 4-6 months pregnant and was focusing on the safest, most highly-recommended items by parents who had "been there, done that". Now that we have made it through our first year, here is a list of items (and recommended brands where applicable) that I could not have lived without.

$15K crib for rich kids. Not normal.

1. Pack-N-Play This item was used as Bugga's bed for the first couple months. It is portable so it can be moved from room to room easily if necessary. We selected one with a "newborn napper" feature that was a cozy bassinet-like piece that attached to the top of the item. Note - once our daughter moved to her crib for all her sleeping, we honestly didn't use this anymore, unless we were roadtripping and had space to take it with us for use in a hotel or another home.
2. Crib Once Bugga was ready for her own room, she needed somewhere to sleep, and all babies need a crib at some point. Do NOT get a dropside crib, if that even needs to be mentioned.
3. Crib Mattress Obviously required or your infant is sleeping on the wood board at the bottom of the crib, and who wants that? There are tons on the market - look for waterproof styles, and there are even eco-versions that work great.
4. Crib Slat Bumpers The standard bumpers should not ever be placed in the crib, unless you are photographing the nursery before your baby is born. It just isn't worth the suffocation risk. Or the risk your baby will get caught in it - also not good. I still don't understand why so many parents keep buying these things. Or that they're even still sold in the first place. What you might not expect as well is several months into this parenting thing your baby starts to become mobile and keeps whacking his or her head on the wood of the crib at night (ours certainly did). And then tries pulling up in the crib at 2am and REALLY whacks her head when she falls backward. That sound broke my heart and it will break yours. Slat bumpers are the best thing since sliced bread, and I wish I knew about them when I was putting my registry together so we could avoid all the head-smacking. These are safe, they look nice, and they are even cozy for your baby. Your bigger kid can't use them to climb on (like regular bumpers) and air still passes freely between them. OK off my soapbox. Get these.
5. Warming Plate Once your kiddo starts eating solids, you might be defrosting food cubes on a daily basis. If you are like me, you will often forget to take things out of the freezer the night before for thawing, and the microwave leaves hotspots that can burn your child's mouth. A warming plate like this one heats things quickly and safely.
6. Video Monitor When Bugga was born we lived in a small two-bedroom house where even when she was in her crib, she was barely 20 feet from us. We assumed a simple audio monitor would be fine. Until we tried sleep training. With an audio monitor we could not tell why she was crying - sometimes we thought she might just be upset because we had stepped out of the room for 5 minutes too long, but then we'd return to find her leg had gotten stuck between the crib slats and we didn't know until we went back into the room. Once we ordered our audio monitor, we never looked back. I still love to peek at her sleeping on the camera, and I can do this without having to go into her room to disturb her.
7. Diaper Pail There are a lot of these on the market, and they are relatively inexpensive. We have the Arm & Hammer version, but I've heard good and bad experience with every single one, so just pick one. But you DEFINITELY need something to corral the evil odor that comes with diapers.
8. Strollers You can probably survive with only one. You can even get the all-in-one travel system style that can get you easily through the first year. But those are heavy and often excessive for everyday needs. What worked for us: a Snap-and-Go style stroller that is pretty much nothing but a stroller frame that your infant carseat snaps right into. It is light, and should be able to be closed with one hand (and maybe a foot). You also need an umbrella stroller which is easy for popping out of the back of the car, or taking on airplane trips (get one with a carrying case to protect it from dirt and damage when gate checked like the Chicco Capri that we use still). We also have a jogging stroller. I wish I used that thing more. I am not a jogger, though I seriously tried when I was on maternity leave. It's just not my thing. And the stroller is pretty bulky for heaving in and out of the trunk compared to our umbrella stroller which is just as good. If you do a lot of outdoorsy stuff, then a jogger is more on the must list. But bottom line - you NEED a stroller(s).
9. Infant Car Seat Try to find one that contains your child as long as possible based on height and weight maximum capacities. Many go up to 35 pounds, but typically kiddos quickly outgrow their car seats based on their height versus their weight. By the way, don't mess around on this one. Find the safest rated car seat on the market based on Consumer Reports. There is ZERO reason not to. At the time we had our baby, the Graco SnugRide was one of the highest rated, and at 15 months Bugga has still not yet grown out of it (though we are on the verge).
10. Baby Bouncer / Swing OK the hard truth about these items is that every child is different. Some like one and not the other, and vice versa. We registered for both a bouncer and a space-age-style swing. The bouncer was a LIFESAVER while Bugga hated the swing. Well, she didn't hate it, but she certainly didn't want to be in it for more than 10 minutes, which for me is a huge fail. So that thing is taking up some serious closet space should potential baby #2 have a different opinion.
11. A great double breast pump and all the related parts If you are breastfeeding, you need a pump, and a double electric pump is the only way to go. This makes pumping quick, because you certainly don't want to spend extra time doing this if you don't have to. You can also get the battery pack and/or the car lighter adapter so you can do this anywhere that works for you. I used this one and it was fantastic for every situation I needed it in. Oh, and although I linked to the product on Amazon, I actually bought it from Baby Depot for less than $200 (vs. $270 on Amazon and Babies R Us) so definitely price shop if that is a concern for you.



Doesn't your kid need a stroller made by Aston-Martin?
No, no he does not.

12. Baby Toiletries It should be obvious, but you need all of the following in baby size: brush, comb, nail clippers, nose sucker, and thermometer. I also recommend a Nose Frida - it is disgusting, but holy crap this thing works. Don't forget shampoo, baby wash, and lotion for bath time. You might also want to have on hand Baby Tylenol, Baby Vick's Vapor Rub (for the bottoms of their feet when they are stuffed up), diaper rash cream, Little Noses saline solution (for stuffy noses), and Little Tummys gas relief drops (for gas obviously). You hopefully won't need these at all right away, but you never know, and it sucks to have to run out to the drugstore in the middle of the night.

If you are looking for some toys to add to your registry, or to have ready for their homecoming, here is a list of toys that we enjoyed in our house from birth to 8 months old.

Parenting Support #22

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

No one told you because they were all too tired to remember. Just remember, insane urges are totally normal, as long as you don't act on them! (I have wanted to bodily throw the cats down the stairs when they start crying JUST when I've got the baby down to sleep. But I don't. But it's a nice visual that calms me down...) Call me whenever you need a break! I'm happy to babysit for a few hours, or c'mon over for a drink.

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Parenting Support #23

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

I'm right there with you, and I know from experience it gets easier. Just not for another 2.5 yrs or so... ;) Joining a mom's group or playgroup was helpful for me just to talk to other moms with same aged kids. And don't feel bad, you are doing a great job I am sure! I am planning on working out at home this summer so I can use my daily 2 hrs of Y daycare to have fun at the pool with my older son, relax, and read. Yes I feel guilty about that, but not too much!

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Parenting Support #21

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

Just wait until potty training!! Worst part of parenting to date...I could write a book on what NOT to do! ;) Hang in there!! We ALL have days and moments of utter frustration, but even if we told you, you wouldn't believe it until you live it. Part of being a mom and you are doing great! I would worry more if you didn't feel that way!

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Parenting Support #20

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

Just try to remember what her smile looks like, because I'm sure she lights up when you walk into a room, and what it feels like when she grabs ahold of your finger. It helps make the bad days not so bad. 

You are a great mom, otherwise you wouldn't be stressing out about how you feel...a bad mom wouldn't care and definitely wouldn't feel guilty about it. It's ok to take a break if you need it - you definitely deserve it and she may need a little break too (and don't feel guilty about it - it will make you a better mom, which is what you are trying to do). 

Kids are tough - especially at that age where they can't tell you what's wrong or why they are acting a certain way. But I bet her smile lights up your day too, and at the end of the day, she's going to come to you and you can take comfort in that. In the meantime, have a glass of wine after she goes to sleep, read a good magazine, and recharge. Yomorrow will be better...I promise!

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Parenting Support #19

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

You should have asked me. Notice I have ONE child.

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Parenting Support #18

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

This helps me on tough days.

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Parenting Support #17

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

It seems to me like all the parents that are doing a fabulous job are the ones who feel the worst about how things are going. Cut yourself some slack, your little girl is getting everything she needs. Just make sure mom is getting what she needs as well... and don't feel guilty about making time for yourself. I found the first 18 months to be the most difficult. Hang in there, and seek out your friends!

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Parenting Support #16

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

People look at you horridly when you express your frustration... I emailed some of my friends with kids when my daughter was one month and called her the spawn of Satan - anyone who knows my husband realizes it's true. :) The beginning is awful - my biggest problem was just the lack of predictability. Things settle in, and then all other problems crop up - illnesses, temper tantrums, etc. sometimes makes you wonder why we do this! But, once you get to see the world through their eyes, experience the laughs and good times, it makes sense...

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Parenting Support #15

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

You wouldn't have listened. :)

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Parenting Support #14

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

No matter how hard it gets, stick to your guns. You will be thankful you did when she gets older. The reason people didn't tell you, is that most people think it is a direct reflection on them if they admit it is not all happiness and sunshine. In truth, we all come unglued. You just need to find the "real" people close to you that can admit that too. Then you will truly have the support you need! No doubt you are doing an excellent job despite the adversity!!

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Parenting Support #13

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

Wow, this is hilarious. Do you know I once said the EXACT same thing to a mutual friend of ours since she was the 1st to have a baby. Her words, which I have never forgotten, were, "If I told you how hard it was, you would never have done it." Love you both!

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