Parenting Support #2

Could no one have been straight with me about how hard parenting is?

No!!!!!! No one can tell you otherwise you'll never do it. And you would never believe it's that hard ;). It's all about getting to the easy days because then you forget that it's that hard.

Read more support.

What is this about?

Schedule Challenges Continue

It's been a couple weeks since I've posted...but I have two good reasons, I promise. For one, we have been in the process of moving, so for obvious reasons, I have not spent a lot of time with my laptop. The other reason is that prior to the move, our household had been having some significant challenges with Bugga's sleep schedule and her ability to put herself to sleep.

I've definitely allowed myself to fall victim to the anxiety that comes with the lack of sleep of a new parent. I blame myself for my husband and I essentially sitting in the dark and whispering once the baby has gone to bed in fear of waking her up. Yes, our (old) house had frustratingly creaky floors and air duct issues that required our room to be at 65 in order for hers to approach 74, but I think my personal fear of a crying infant at night has really escalated.

Now that we have been in the new house for a little over a week, we are still hesitant to formally sleep train. The new nursery is carpeted and cozy and a great place for Bugga to play, so the thought of putting her down awake in her crib to sleep makes me worry that she will instantly sprout negative associations with that room entirely. So I am still continuing to cheat by nursing her to sleep at night, and for naps. The pro to this is at least this house is a lot quieter so I have even had a few opportunities since we've moved in to set her down on the boppy pillow on the floor, turn the baby monitor camera on her, and leave the room to actually be...wait for it...PRODUCTIVE. It's a nice feeling. But I still spend half that time watching the monitor. Sigh.

Recipe: Easy Vegetable Udon

I might start posting recipes from time to time, as I am happy to share something yummy, and this is a good place for me to keep things I want to find later. The following recipe was whipped out of nowhere the other night...we are moving soon so I am trying to cook what is in the kitchen (as best I can) so we have less to deal with for the move. So the udon (yes, I have oodles of udon in my pantry) came up, since we can't get enough of it since our trip to China a few years back...

Easy Vegetable Udon

Ingredients

1 T vegetable oil

2 T sesame oil

1 Cup frozen pepper & onion medley (or any peppers and/or onions you have on hand)

1 clove of garlic, minced

1 T sugar

2 T soy sauce

1 Cup fresh spinach (or frozen)

1 can chicken broth + 1 can of water

2 generous portions of udon based on your preferences

Directions

Heat the oils in a wok or saucepan. Add peppers & onions and garlic, cooking until soft. Add sugar and soy sauce. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes. Add spinach, broth, and water. Simmer until spinach wilts, or about 5 minutes. Add noodles and cook until heated and tender (careful about overcooking). Serve immediately.

Yum!

Listmania: Parenting Ideas

This is yet another list for me to collect ideas that I will use somewhere down the road, and you are welcome to as well. As usual, please feel free to make suggestions, and if it is something I think has a place on the list, I will not only add it into the post, I will give you credit via a link back to your blog (should you have one).

Parenting Ideas

Description: Once in awhile, through all those suggestions that are thrown at you from everyone from the dry cleaner to the grandmothers, a couple gems float to the top. I want to remember how to be the best parent I can be, and I may not always remember the right idea at the right time. I hope this list helps me stay on top of my parenting game, even if just a little bit.

1. Going to the beach? Take along baby powder - it's a miracle worker with getting sand of everyone's legs and feet.
2. Bored Jar: If your child child complains of boredom, they have to pick a slip from the jar and do the activity, good or bad. It might be going for ice cream, it might be cleaning their room.
3. Leave love notes on your child's pillow when they least expect one.
4. Hug your child every day when they wake up and when they get home from school.
5. Timers set definite boundaries. For example, with a timer, you can say, "I'm setting the timer. I want your room cleaned (or your shoes on, or the dishes unloaded) in 15 minutes. If you haven't finished by then, your correction is…." This method not only spurs on easily distracted children, but it also leaves little room for arguing about a job that isn't finished and whether the correction is warranted.Say something great about your child to someone else, knowing your child can hear you (but not necessarily with your child standing right there).
6. Make fun shaped sandwiches for lunches using cookie cutters.
7. Set family rules. “Our family rule is that the room has to be clean by 5:00 each day. Either you can clean it or I will. But, anything that I find laying around will go into a box in the garage and be unavailable for the next week." If your son doesn’t have his uniform for practice, he’ll learn an important lesson when he explains to the coach why he’s not prepared. If you find that your kids don’t even miss the toys or clothes that you hauled out to the garage, that lets you know they probably have more than they need and it’s time for a big donation to Goodwill Industries. 
8. Come up with a secret word, phrase, or hand gesture that means "I love you" so you and your child can communicate without them being embarrassed in front of their friends.
9. Next time your child "forgets" to put something away, like video games or sports equipment, put it away for him. When he asks where it is, tell him that he'll just have to look for it. Believe me; he will learn that it's a lot more trouble to find something that Mom has hidden than it is to put it away in the first place.
10. Ignore phone calls during quality time, and make it clear you are choosing to be with your child instead.
11. Decorate your child's mirror with a fun surprise message.
12. Your words help your child build self-esteem. Tell her she is beautiful.  Praise specific features of her body.  Encourage her to wear clothing that makes her feel comfortable. Let her choose her hair length.  Allow her choices with clothing. Realize it's okay if clothing is sometimes wrinkled or mismatched. Be there with love and affection when someone teases her. 
13. Send your kiddo something in the mail with an actual STAMP! What could be more fun?
14. If time-outs don't work, try a "time-in." This can be accomplished by sending your child to a designated spot where he must complete a task that has a definite beginning and end. This could be putting together a small puzzle, stringing 50 beads on a piece of yarn, or tracing the alphabet. A time-in diverts his energies and encourages him to focus on something positive.
15. If your child likes to stomp off to his room or stomp around in anger, send him outside to the driveway and tell him to stomp his feet for one minute. He'll be ready to quit after about 15 seconds, but make him stomp even harder.
16. Use a WHEN-THEN routine. “WHEN your room is clean (which means I can see your entire floor and the horizontal surfaces are clear of clutter) THEN, you can have your TV time, or THEN we’ll leave or practice, or THEN you can join us for dinner.” Creating a When-Then routine in which the room must be cleaned before a more enjoyable part of the routine occurs – creates a natural incentive. If you follow a When-Then routine every single day- there’s no need to fuss or fight about it. As my mother-in-law says, it’s the law. It’s just the way we do things around here. That’s called “letting the routine be the boss” so you don’t have to be.
17. Watch what you say! Don't criticize your own body. Never make fun of the way someone else looks. Say that cosmetics make us look different or fancier not prettier.  Never say, "I wish I looked like her." Don't freak out if she gets dirty. Avoid fawning over beautiful models and actresses.
18. Lead by example: Limit access to media. Provide your daughter with dolls with dark and light skin. Don't always wear makeup. Provide healthy food to make it more likely for your child to have a healthy body. Encourage physically active play and activities. Wear a swimsuit even if you don't feel like wearing one, so you can swim with your child. Develop a social circle that expands outside your likely-homogenous neighborhood. Eat all foods in moderation.  Provide opportunities for your child to develop her unique talents. Celebrate exercise for making the heart healthy. Celebrate acts of the heart.

What else???

Who Fights a Nap?

My 6 month old, that's who. I am currently listening to her WAIL as I try to get her to sleep for Nap #1 of the day. This is SO hard. But I know she's tired. She was rubbing her eyes like the most obvious cartoon character and it was exactly 2 hours from when she woke up. So into the crib she went...and then proceeded to shriek. 

It's been 45 minutes of this misery.

I've checked on her several times, but that does nothing whatsoever. She continues to shriek. I know I'm supposed to listen to her cries to understand what is going on, but it all seems pretty steady. Horrible gurgling. Wailing. Then gasping for breath. I'm not sure if this is the "up and down" cry I'm supposed to recognize as her frustrated cry trying to figure all this out, but my heart is broken.

I know I could just go sit on the back patio and enjoy this beautiful morning weather and not listen to her cry. But I feel like if she has to go through this, I need to be there with her even if she is currently very mad at me for putting her through this.

But I'm going in to get her in 10 minutes and we'll try again next nap. And the next. And the next...

Sigh. Parenting is hard.

Listmania: Kid Organization

This is yet another list for me to collect ideas that I will use somewhere down the road, and you are welcome to as well. As usual, please feel free to make suggestions, and if it is something I think has a place on the list, I will not only add it into the post, I will give you credit via a link back to your blog (should you have one).

Kid Organization

Description: Making it easy for parents and kids to find what they need, when they need it. Oh, and making it look neat and effortless at the same time.

1. Install a hanging accessory bag with at least 7 shelves. Label each shelf with a day of the week and place a complete outfit on each to make getting dressed for the day a snap.
   

Listmania: Questions for Day Care Providers

Before I decided to focus on my full-time MOM.b.a., I returned to work for 5 weeks after my maternity leave, which had originally been my long-term plan. During that time, Bugga attended daycare, which I felt was the best option for us (versus having a nanny or an in-home care situation). The process for finding the right location was not at all easy. Depending on where you live, you may need to start this process very early, often before your baby is born. And even then you never know - Bugga still didn't have a spot at our first choice location at 12 weeks old (even though we got on the waitlist a month before she was born) all due to sibling prioritization. So for all the planning in advance we still had to scramble to find a backup location.

For those of you about to start this process, below is a pretty thorough list of questions to ask every facility you tour. You might not care about all the questions, but hopefully most are useful. I've even added some I wish I had asked but didn't know to looking at this in hindsight. Good luck!

Questions for Day Care Providers

General

1. What are your hours of operation?
2. What are the children's age ranges that you keep?
3. Do I need to make an appointment for a tour/question & answer?  If so, when?  Who should I talk with?
4. Is there a contract?  Do we have to pay by week or by month?  Is there a discount for paying by the month?
5. What is the price (food included)?
6. What does this price include?
7. Can I see written agreements outlining specific hours, holidays, and other breaks?
8. What are the fees?
9. Are there extra fees (such as activity fees or enrichment programs) in addition to the standard fees?
10. What is the fee if my child is picked up late by accident?
11. Is there a waiting list? How does it work? Are siblings of enrolled students given priority?
12. Is there a deposit? If so, how much? Is it refundable?
13. What are your policies on disciplining children (mainly how do they handle the bitters and others that cause problems for the remaining children - time out, discussion, isolation?)  Basically what do you do to a child that keeps biting mine and what do they tell the parents?
14. Is there a daily written report that will be sent home with my child? What does it include? How many people can you specify to have the authority to pick up my child?
15. Ask the day care about their last CPS inspection & see if their responses match the inspection.
16. What is the policy if I decide to change day cares?  Do we have to give a certain amount of notice?
17. Can I come unannounced any time of the day (prior & during to putting my baby in the program) and observe the babies and the workers?
18. What are the policies for handling any issues I may have with a worker?  (personality issues or if you see/feel something is not happening the way it should with your baby)
19. What are the rules with regards to religion?
20. At what age do you transition the children to one nap?  What if my child needs to sleep more?

Meals

21. Will you allow mothers that breast feed to bring in their own milk?  What is the process for this?  How is the milk labeled to keep it to the corresponding child?
22. Do you provide food or snacks for the children?  Is this an extra charge or is it included?  If food is provided, can I see a sample menu for the kids?  Do you provide a hot breakfast?
23. What is the feeding schedule for children?  Is it broken down by age?  How do you keep each child straight as to which ones eat solid food vs. formula, etc?
24. When my infant starts eating “people” food, can I pick and choose what he/she eats?

Facility & Staff Quality

25. In baby’s room, how secure is it?
26. Do you have a state license, registration, or certification? 
27. Can I see your contact references?
28. Do you have safety regulations and standards?  Can I see them?
29. Do you have a secure online webcam so I can watch my child while at your facility? Does it work? Can I have temporary access before enrolling to view the quality or can I see a demo?
30. Do your care providers have First Aid & Rescue Breathing Training?
31. If we decide to take our child out for a family vacation or some reason, do we pay for the week or time the child is gone?  Do we partially pay? 
32. What is the hiring process for your employees?
33. Do you have a list of your employee’s experience, education, and training related to our child's age?
34. Do all lead caregivers and program directors have a child development background and a college degree?
35. What is your staff turnover rate?
36. How many different teachers will be interacting with my child?
37. May I contact staff references?

Programming

37. Will your facility be able to keep up with our active child? Is your group facility equipped to handle infants?
38. What are the types of activities and educational programs offered?
39. What is the learning curriculum?
40. Is there a parents group or program?
41. What are the activities for kids?  Do you take the children outside? At what ages?  Do the older children go on field trips?
42. May I participate in program planning?
43. What is your child to staff ratio and total group size? (Compare this to state required ratio.) Is this throughout the entire day (drop off, daytime, pick up)?
44. What is the maximum number of children that can be in the room with my child at one time?

Cleanliness

45. What is the changing schedule?
46. How is potty training handled?
47. What is your policy on sick children?  Do you allow other children in the room?
48. What is your policy on giving kids medicines?  Does this require a note from doctor?
49. How often do you clean & disinfect?  Toys? Floors mopped?
50. Does the facility have a pest control contract and what provisions are taken for the baby room? (spraying in corners and on floor not a good thing of course)
51. Do people walk in with shoes in baby’s room?  Are booties or shoes off required?
52. How do you handle storage of needed materials for each child?  Is the stuff labeled properly with my child’s information?  Do they have a place where all of my child’s items are always stored?
53. Does the baby room have a baby bed designated for each baby?
54. Will you let us bring in the infant carseat to be stored until other parent picks child up?

Other factors to consider:

• cost of gas, location, traffic 
• extra food and utility expenses for a care provider that comes to your home 
• whether the hours correspond well with your schedule.

* Small and large family child care operations should be licensed by the National Association for Family Child Care (NAFCC). For detailed information on state child care licensing, see the following web site: http://nrc.uchsc.edu/states.html.