It's Not About Gwyneth

This is a repost from something I shared with my friends on Facebook. Hopefully my blog readers also know what I'm trying to say.

So this Gwyneth Paltrow working mom thing is all over Facebook. Yes, she said her job is harder than other working moms. And then a gajillion people responded that, no, their jobs are harder than that of a celebrity. 

On other days I see people post links to blogs about someone trying to attempt to equalize the struggles of working moms versus stay-at-home moms, and it just results in a Battle of the Miserable (seriously, read the comments on any of these posts). 

Am I the only person who is tired of hearing everyone try to tear each other down by one-upping others about how hard their life is? 

Of course the grass is often much greener on the other side, but everyone has their struggles, whether it be 9 months on a movie set away from your family, or working 2 daily jobs away from your kids to make ends meet, or struggling to find professional success. 

Yes, celebrities have a lot of money and freedoms that regular people might not have, but they are also people too, with families they can't be with all the time and marriages that fail no matter how many nannies they hire. Stay at home moms and working moms all have their own reasons to be jealous of each other's lives. 

I guess the bottom line I get from all this is stop spending so much time tearing down the Joneses and find your own happiness.

Separation Anxiety Hits Our House

We are currently going on Day 5 (including a weekend) of my husband having to go back to Alaska for a work emergency. I suppose the weekend part is irrelevant, but even a stay at home mom looks forward to the weekend when we can finally do things as a family. Oh, and split the kiddo duties.

Things have been going relatively well with the exception of my brilliant plan to get back into the swing of things again with our daily morning visit to the gym. This worked perfect for us October/November after we first got back from Alaska, but we took off several weeks for a family vacation and some holiday travel.

Oh what a mess we have now. Today was the third day I attempted to drop my 13-month-old off at the gym daycare. She was NOT havin' it. Not one bit. The separation anxiety is apparently at the top of her development milestones right now and it is kicking us in the face. I tried everything, distraction, staying for awhile and playing with her, sneaking out, doing the "I'll be back soon!", etc. If I made it out the door somehow, I would lurk nearby where I could still see and hear, but was out of view of my daughter.

This kid would just WAIL. The poor daycare lady would try to distract her with all the new toys that filled the room, and she would take a breath for a second and look, but then start right up again. I hear about these other children that cry only when their parents are around and then they're fine. Not mine, these three days anyway.

So my workout plans for 2013 are still pretty elusive. I ended up working out at home during nap time, which is nice to have that option, but it isn't quite the same.

Anyone go through this? Any advice? My approach is to keep trying and hope she gets used to it. But in the back of my head, I'm worried she's learning that this place makes her cry. Period.

Listmania: Questions for Day Care Providers

Before I decided to focus on my full-time MOM.b.a., I returned to work for 5 weeks after my maternity leave, which had originally been my long-term plan. During that time, Bugga attended daycare, which I felt was the best option for us (versus having a nanny or an in-home care situation). The process for finding the right location was not at all easy. Depending on where you live, you may need to start this process very early, often before your baby is born. And even then you never know - Bugga still didn't have a spot at our first choice location at 12 weeks old (even though we got on the waitlist a month before she was born) all due to sibling prioritization. So for all the planning in advance we still had to scramble to find a backup location.

For those of you about to start this process, below is a pretty thorough list of questions to ask every facility you tour. You might not care about all the questions, but hopefully most are useful. I've even added some I wish I had asked but didn't know to looking at this in hindsight. Good luck!

Questions for Day Care Providers

General

1. What are your hours of operation?
2. What are the children's age ranges that you keep?
3. Do I need to make an appointment for a tour/question & answer?  If so, when?  Who should I talk with?
4. Is there a contract?  Do we have to pay by week or by month?  Is there a discount for paying by the month?
5. What is the price (food included)?
6. What does this price include?
7. Can I see written agreements outlining specific hours, holidays, and other breaks?
8. What are the fees?
9. Are there extra fees (such as activity fees or enrichment programs) in addition to the standard fees?
10. What is the fee if my child is picked up late by accident?
11. Is there a waiting list? How does it work? Are siblings of enrolled students given priority?
12. Is there a deposit? If so, how much? Is it refundable?
13. What are your policies on disciplining children (mainly how do they handle the bitters and others that cause problems for the remaining children - time out, discussion, isolation?)  Basically what do you do to a child that keeps biting mine and what do they tell the parents?
14. Is there a daily written report that will be sent home with my child? What does it include? How many people can you specify to have the authority to pick up my child?
15. Ask the day care about their last CPS inspection & see if their responses match the inspection.
16. What is the policy if I decide to change day cares?  Do we have to give a certain amount of notice?
17. Can I come unannounced any time of the day (prior & during to putting my baby in the program) and observe the babies and the workers?
18. What are the policies for handling any issues I may have with a worker?  (personality issues or if you see/feel something is not happening the way it should with your baby)
19. What are the rules with regards to religion?
20. At what age do you transition the children to one nap?  What if my child needs to sleep more?

Meals

21. Will you allow mothers that breast feed to bring in their own milk?  What is the process for this?  How is the milk labeled to keep it to the corresponding child?
22. Do you provide food or snacks for the children?  Is this an extra charge or is it included?  If food is provided, can I see a sample menu for the kids?  Do you provide a hot breakfast?
23. What is the feeding schedule for children?  Is it broken down by age?  How do you keep each child straight as to which ones eat solid food vs. formula, etc?
24. When my infant starts eating “people” food, can I pick and choose what he/she eats?

Facility & Staff Quality

25. In baby’s room, how secure is it?
26. Do you have a state license, registration, or certification? 
27. Can I see your contact references?
28. Do you have safety regulations and standards?  Can I see them?
29. Do you have a secure online webcam so I can watch my child while at your facility? Does it work? Can I have temporary access before enrolling to view the quality or can I see a demo?
30. Do your care providers have First Aid & Rescue Breathing Training?
31. If we decide to take our child out for a family vacation or some reason, do we pay for the week or time the child is gone?  Do we partially pay? 
32. What is the hiring process for your employees?
33. Do you have a list of your employee’s experience, education, and training related to our child's age?
34. Do all lead caregivers and program directors have a child development background and a college degree?
35. What is your staff turnover rate?
36. How many different teachers will be interacting with my child?
37. May I contact staff references?

Programming

37. Will your facility be able to keep up with our active child? Is your group facility equipped to handle infants?
38. What are the types of activities and educational programs offered?
39. What is the learning curriculum?
40. Is there a parents group or program?
41. What are the activities for kids?  Do you take the children outside? At what ages?  Do the older children go on field trips?
42. May I participate in program planning?
43. What is your child to staff ratio and total group size? (Compare this to state required ratio.) Is this throughout the entire day (drop off, daytime, pick up)?
44. What is the maximum number of children that can be in the room with my child at one time?

Cleanliness

45. What is the changing schedule?
46. How is potty training handled?
47. What is your policy on sick children?  Do you allow other children in the room?
48. What is your policy on giving kids medicines?  Does this require a note from doctor?
49. How often do you clean & disinfect?  Toys? Floors mopped?
50. Does the facility have a pest control contract and what provisions are taken for the baby room? (spraying in corners and on floor not a good thing of course)
51. Do people walk in with shoes in baby’s room?  Are booties or shoes off required?
52. How do you handle storage of needed materials for each child?  Is the stuff labeled properly with my child’s information?  Do they have a place where all of my child’s items are always stored?
53. Does the baby room have a baby bed designated for each baby?
54. Will you let us bring in the infant carseat to be stored until other parent picks child up?

Other factors to consider:

• cost of gas, location, traffic 
• extra food and utility expenses for a care provider that comes to your home 
• whether the hours correspond well with your schedule.

* Small and large family child care operations should be licensed by the National Association for Family Child Care (NAFCC). For detailed information on state child care licensing, see the following web site: http://nrc.uchsc.edu/states.html.